The Question That Change My Life..

  By armetra | April 29, 2013 - 7:27 am |
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There are times in life when you need to just settle for less,
There are also times in life when you know that you deserve more,
And you need a push & courage to make a big changes for real…
And sometimes,
that came when you honestly question yourself..

(~ARM)

I remember this kind of week last year, (you can read it here), at the time, I felt indeed, my life was out of balance. Although, I’m ready to just settle for the kind of life that I was living at the time, as part of Self-Acceptance to the reality of life, but I can’t help myself to just wondering that I need big changes.

Maybe, at that time, I was juggling a lot. I know, at the time, things are (mostly) on track, and I can see progress in the different areas my life on career, romance, and other things. Overall, it is working. Yet, inside I feel overwhelmed, and some days – just downright tired from juggling it all. I felt that I should be split into different pieces to give the right amount of attention that everyone is asking from me. Yes, I felt, that there is something missing.

Well, I’m sure that most of us go through this at some point in our lives. You know that feeling that something is not quite right? That something is missing in your life? Maybe, we don’t really understand what it is, but it scares us. So much that we’re willing to do almost anything to make it go away.

Then, I asked myself to be brave enough to sit still and really listen to myself. That night, the tiny voice inside my mind, a voice startles me, just as I began to slide into sleep. “Go, dream, seize this moment”, it says. On other side, my mind stirs and answers sleepily, “Why? I already know what’s out there isn’t worth it that much. I have everything I need right here”. My mind is suddenly filled with a thousand concerns and a feeling of looming uncertainty wells within me like a slowly draining battery.

Tick, tock. Tick, tock. I heard the sound of my alarm clock, and I couldn’t seem to remember how long it’s been. It seems more like a dream — someone else’s life, not my own. The quiet metronome of the clock reminds me of the creeping complacency that’s slowly shrouded my life, like a cancer gone undetected until it’s too late. “I wasn’t always like this. What happened?”

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The Reality of Living Overseas – Part 1

  By armetra | March 23, 2013 - 12:16 am |
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“I used to dream about escaping my ordinary life,
but my life has never been ordinary.
I’ve simply failed to notice how extraordinary it is.
Likewise, I never imagined that home,
might be something I would miss..”

Well, 10 months have passed since I came here to Abu Dhabi. And, as I become more and more settle into my new life in a new country as time passes, now it becomes less a question of how long I’ve been here, and more one of how long I’ve been gone from my home country.

I know, having overseas career is appealing for a lot of reasons. And, living in new country, even just going to the grocery store — when in an exciting new place within a new language — is a thrilling activity. And having to start from zero and rebuild everything, having to re-learn how to live and carry out every day activities, fundamentally excited me.

And at my home country, people that I used to know, nowadays just see me in a completely different way, and different level of respect. After all, it’s all about, very well, having dreams and hopes and aspirations however.

After all, being in my 20′s, I really want at this age to be the time in my life when I try new things. New jobs. Living in new cities. Meet a new people, with different culture, and different mindset.

But what about the realities of living abroad – do my dreams match the reality? From my own experience, my answer is “YES”, for the most part. However, as what always understand about life, there is no such thing as “perfect ten” in real life, so still there is “but” somewhere along the line.

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Embrace The Uncertainty Of Life

  By armetra | February 24, 2013 - 5:00 am |
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We can’t plan life precisely.
Because no matter how perfect our plan is,
life has a way to rearrange it.
However,
If you could see a movie of your life before you lived it,
would you want to live it?

Well, I’ve been involved on several Engineering Project on the company I’m working now. Just like any other Oil & Gas project that I’ve experienced, there is similar pattern that I know very well which always happen. It’s called the uncertainty moments, where I didn’t know what, when, and how the best solution of Engineering Design shall be applied for the specific problems or issues on the project.

I know, it’s the uncertainty that life is all about. But, to be honest, you see, I confess that I normally hate to be caught on the bad feeling in those uncertainty time. The most difficult part of uncertainty, at least for me, is the inability to plan and feel in control, until I know all the answer.

But maybe, it isn’t the uncertainty that bothers me, it’s my tendency to get lost in my feelings and thought about it. The feeling where I’ve made speculation and speculation, that leads me to start indulging fear, then I get lost in a cycle of reactionary thoughts.

But, It comes to my mind occasionally, “If I could see a movie of my life before I lived it, would I want to live it?” As for now, my direct answer will be definitely not. The thrill of living is that, I don’t know what’s coming. In other words, uncertainty is what makes my life fun. My sense is that, that uncertainty rescues me from boredom.

It’s like this, “If you could see each future step along the way, you’d never get the chance to be amazed at what you can do”, doesn’t it?

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2013 : NOT “Walk The Path”, But “Surf The Sea”

  By armetra | January 4, 2013 - 12:44 am |
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After he hit the ball, he directly go to round first,
things that he never done before,
without realizing any other things..
Here’s what’s really interesting.
When he arrived on round first, people laughing at him.
Because, he didn’t realize the ball went over the fence.
He hit a home run and didn’t even realize it.
Yes, It’s a metaphor..

(~Moneyball Movie)

It’s already 2013 now. I’m brimming with optimism and happy to welcome this new year. Particularly, because what I’ve done back in 2012. I’ll always treasure the 2012 as the year when I able “to make things happens”, a chapter of dream come true, so to speak. And yes, it all look too perfect.

And truth is, I’ve never been in this phase of my life before. I used to live on “chasing the dream”, but once I got the dream, and continue living with all the routine in it, I felt that I need to adapt on actually “how for living in the dream” itself.

The thing is, previoulsy, I used to look at goal setting as picking a destination, then figuring out a path how to get there, trying to enjoy the ride, and be happy with the journey. Only, after I’ve arrived there, I realized that “destination” is not exactly like mountain that won’t move, but in reality, it’s the landscape that changing constantly.

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End of 2012 – De-Clutter The Mind

  By armetra | December 29, 2012 - 9:04 pm |
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“Life is like a camera,
just focus on what’s important,
capture the good times,
and if things don’t work out,
just take another shot.”

New Year has almost arrive, and by the end of year, it is always good time for me, for de-clutter. Just like all previous end of year, it’s a time to shake off the cobwebs and clear the path for new beginnings, get rid of things that no longer have value to me. I don’t mean the material possessions, but mostly way of thought, habits, feelings, etc. It’s an excellent way for launching pad to embark on a new season, especially for personal growth.

You see, how much does your life weigh? Imagine for a second that you’re carrying a backpack, feel the straps on your shoulders. Now, pack it with all the stuff that you have in your life. Feel the weight as that adds up. Fill it all into that backpack, people who has negative influences in your life, fill it also with memories that used to drain you, add it with habits that overwhelmed you, add the unrealistic ambitions or “fantasy goals” in your mind”, and add the “If Only” situations in your life. Now try to walk. It’s kind of hard, isn’t it?

I think, this is what we do to ourselves on a daily basis. We weigh ourselves down until we can’t even move. Now, I’m gonna set that backpack on fire. Let everything burn and imagine waking up tomorrow with nothing. It’s kind of exhilarating, isn’t it? Because, I’m sure that I don’t need to carry all that weight, I just want to set that bag down.

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