2012 – Life Doesn’t Design Like “Engineering”


What was left when that fire was gone?
I thought it felt right but that right was wrong,
All caught up in the eye of the storm,
And trying to figure out what it’s like moving on,
So, picking up the pieces, now where to begin?
The hardest part of ending, is starting again…

(~ Linkin Park – Waiting for The End)


Its getting to be about that time of year when everyone starts to look ahead to the future, think about the plans they’ll make for the new year, and set goals around all the things they hope to accomplish. Well, I’m no different. In the end, the lessons from 2011, are meant to be the resolutions of 2012..

Yep, for all I know, 2012 is going to be the most difficult year ahead. The path ahead will not be smooth. It will be challenging, it will be rocky and I may even feel like quitting at times. I’m excited, but undoubtedly a little scared. But whatever happens, learn to accept everything what life will throw at me. I have to “Walk the walk” and (also enter) hope, and, focus on the dignity of simplicity (kesederhanaan)..

Well, my life doesn’t always look exactly like I want it to. But, I think the world doesn’t change all that much if I have more money, a different space, or a better job. The wrapping paper is different, but the gift inside stays the same.

At the previous year, whaw, 2011 is a hell of a year. Yes, in summary, 2011 is the year for me to “pay the price”, met all of my fear, and face it directly to its core. Honestly, it’s an opportunity to learn for me, where I have to embrace, the ups and downs of life.

I mean, as far I’ve learned in my life, most of my suffering has come about because of looking at what I want in the future and seeing the lack of it in my present and my past. I assess what I don’t have now and what I can’t do now, see what I want, and then feel despair at the incongruity and frustration at my inability to make what I want happen now.

So, 2012, It means, that I have to stop looking outside and start looking inside. The answers I seek are maybe inside me. The more I try to avoid it, the more it’s right there before me.

I know that succesful people don’t just live in life. They never gave up on their dream, but that’s not usually how it goes. I mean, usually, it isn’t a speeding bus, most of the time, it’s just too difficult or too expensive, or too scary. It’s only once you’ve stopped, that you realize how hard it is to start again. So you force yourself not to want it.

You see, I am in the same boat as you. Sometimes I have no clue what I’m supposed to be doing, where I’m going, or who I am. It goes in cycles. The bad news is that when you’re in the middle of the storm, you feel like you’re never going to get out of it.

Despite what happened, I will still smile, pick up my pieces and continue to purify my imperfect heart and actions. All I want is just be myself, and it doesn’t matter if it’s good enough for someone else. Whenever a difficult situation arises, maturity means to take full responsibility, whether it’s positive or negative.

Realistically, and practically, I only had one choice – not only to accept, but to embrace the flow of life. Everything happens the way they happen. The only way I can adjust psychologically is to embrace the unexpected, and look for the good.

It’s like chess,
the key is to always trying to see every possible outcome.
Yes, I’m a little scared.
But, doesn’t being scared let you know,
that you’re on to something important?

I mean, if you’re not scared,
you’re not taking a chance..
And if you’re not taking a chance,

then what the hell are you doing..????

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