At some stages of our life,
We will deal with things We are overwhelmed with misery and anxiety…
2 months ago, at the end of day, I’ve got formal feedback from my boss. In one side, I felt grateful for being labeled an excellent performance. On the other side, I felt so worried to maintain this, to maintain the perfect “season”..
I think that’s where everything start. More and more responsibility, with more complex technical-based of task comes to my desk. I do know that these responsibilities reflect their trust on me. But, it left me with a huge burden to finish it in perfect way.
And finally, today is the point of my life where I’ve really got caught with tired, stress, and simply couldn’t keep up with the pace of progress. More and more problems are showing up on my daily job, uncontrollable. All of dreams for my future-living, just to be replaced by exhausted reality, attacked day by day..
It’s just, I’m finding every little step is a struggle, like I’m carrying too heavy a load, that as I walked, it seemed to grow heavier and heavier. Sometimes, “tiny” things can be surprisingly significant weighing me down. I’m not strolling along easily any more. I’m not enjoying the journey. Every step feels like a big effort – and I just can’t understand why..
I felt that I’ve got caught up in a relentless downwards spiral. Guilt-trip on telling myself that I shouldn’t feel this way. I’m angry to myself, and frustrated with my performance, felt lonely somehow, felt upset and scared with my expectations..
It wasn’t like the old time, where I was just happy and thriving despite everything the world threw at me. And the worst part, I really felt so alone to face it..
I know – I know – I’m telling myself, over and over again, that this feelings are all just in my head and I’ve got the power to choose them. But, that doesn’t make it a lot easier. It just makes me beat myself up. “Why can’t I cheer up? I should pull myself together. I need to be stronger. There must be something wrong with me”. Whatever it is, I feel like I’m being slowly crushed..
I don’t like how my feeling. I know when we’re overwhelmed, it’s easy to end up going in circles. But, I really don’t know where to begin sorting through all the stuff that makes up my life. I’m afraid that if I stop, I’ll be left behind..
And, it is hard to take a break too. There is always “deadlines” everyday, a lot of commitments which I just can’t get away from. I’m really confused with the next steps, which’ll get me closer to where I want to go..?? I really just hope to overcome the overwhelmed quickly..