When The Storm Came..

Often, what’s going on in this mind,
is much more compelling, than what’s going on outside..
Maybe life is just a quick succession of busy nothings..
Or, maybe the state of our life is nothing more
than a reflection of our state of mind..

Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve been completely swamped by work, especially due to Mechanical Completion of this project is on the verge of schedule, while still lot of things shall be done on time. It’s easy to feel panic during this period. Not consistently, but when it comes, it’s been a scary feeling.

I felt that I’m constantly on auto-pilot, working myself to the bone, and falling to overwhelming stress and pressure. I’ve noticed that I get overwhelmed and upset much more easily when I’m feeling tired or a bit grotty. I’m guessing this isn’t just me. I think most of us find that even little things can get blown out of proportion when we’re already run down.

And so I’ve been really focusing for the last couple of days on ways to be calmer, digging myself out, and writing this, is part of it. I know, sometimes, I’ve just got to hang on to something and let the storm run its course. Ultimately, it’s up to me to clear my own thought, as the saying goes that “our thoughts create our reality”.

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The Right Person Is..??

If true love is so important to everyone,
then why is that we have so many issues on finding it?
I know, we fear rejection, want attention,
crave affection, and dream of perfection..
But in the end, Life is what happens,
when you’re so busy making other plans…

True love is not easy, they’re hard work. It’s about compromise, growing together, etc, etc. But if it’s the right person, then it’s easy. Looking at that girl and knowing she’s all you really want out of life, that should be the easiest thing in the world, right?

I know the odds are, the love of my life isn’t gonna magically walk through that door. I’m the only one with the power to change my life. I’m the only one who can attract a woman to me. I cannot stand by idly waiting for a woman to come along and sweep me off my feet. It’s not her job to do so.

But, how do we know about “the right person”? Because, as far as I concerned, It’s not always easy to see someone’s true colors. Sometimes, we must look beneath the feminine spell to find that fragile ego. Ignore the sparkle of the jewel, bring the truth out of the shadows, to see the real beauty of her smile..

Besides that, true love doesn’t happen right away, it’s an ever-growing process. It’s like Engineering, It has phase for “developing”. There is Issued for Internal Review, Issued for Approval, Issued for Design, and Issued for Construction..

The Real Truths..

You see, we shouldn’t have to fight for a spot in someone’s life. If someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you. On the other hand, if someone wants to be a part of your life, they’ll also make an effort to be in it. It’s just stupid to insist yourself to someone who continuously overlooks your worth, because if they know your worth, they will create a space for you.

But, somehow, I don’t know what a privilege it is to grow old with someone, who doesn’t drive me “insane”, or doesn’t humiliate me beyond repair. But, the thing is, it’s about two people being true to each other, even when they are separated in distance. I mean, remaining faithful is never an option, but a priority. Loyalty is everything.

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Permanent & Grade Promotion

There are different kinds of journeys in life.
For some, you’ll have a clear destination in mind.
For others, you’ll wander until the right road appears.
Even if you know precisely where you want to end up,
the process of veering off-track with intention and curiosity,
that will reassure that your path is right…

Time is flying fast, don’t you think? It has been a year now, since the day I’ve arrived & join this company. After join in a company in a year, the good thing I expect is all about grade promotion & permanent offering.

You see, we all want to be recognized for our capabilities. So we work hard, learning all we can, and showcasing what we’ve got. The sound from our boss, such as “you have so much potential” is indeed, alluring music. But, the main point is, Sometimes, actions speak louder than words.

If we’re really that good, the offering will just come eventually. So, when I’ve been offered for permanent position & grade promotion, it reflect a recognition about my effort & what I’ve done.

You see, a promotion is like a deal, a business transaction, so I’m treating it as one. The higher grade, means higher salary, but also more contribution & more responsibility. It’s up to me to take control of my own career. And, this step is part of  “step by step plan”, in the big picture of my life.

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The Lesson From Past Relationships

What we crave most in this world is connection..
Fate working its magic, and, that’s great.
But that’s not the way it really works..
It’s complicated, it’s messy..
It’s about horrible timing & fumbled opportunities..
And not being able to say, what you need to say,
when you need to say it..
At least, that’s the way it WAS for me..

Everyone has their own story & gone through something, including on romance part. You see, each relationship is a reflection of ourselves (whether good or bad). Subconsciously, it’s a reflection of our deepest insecurities and needs. And when I really take the time to reflect the good or bad times, clear all the baggage, it is a window into my soul.

As far as I understand, all successful relationships require some work. They don’t just happen, or maintain themselves. They exist and thrive when both parties want to take the risk of sharing what it is that’s going on in their minds and hearts. Yup, open communication & honesty is fundamentals.

When I look to my past, I can easily identify the pattern of problematic relationship. I think, they are common relationship problems that makes why many romantic partnerships do not work out. Here’s the thing that I can write for now, and also some lesson its moving-on.

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The Self-Acceptance Part

Sometimes, things need to fall apart,
to make way for better things..
The eggs are already broken.
So, let’s make sure,
We get a pretty good omelet out of it..

(~Ted – HIMYM)

“Adulthood” isn’t a tangible thing that people can suddenly possess. There were a time, when I wake up in the morning, it felt like life was out to get me. It seems that my life has veered off its anticipated “track” while everyone else’s is charging ahead. To be honest, it create some inevitable anxiety.

I know that, entering the real world can sometimes feel like stepping into a horribly disappointing surprise party. Surprise! It’s the worst job market in decades. Surprise! It cost a quarter of your paycheck. Surprise! Your favorite artist fantasy lied—about everything. And on it goes..

While it’s easy to project our feelings of anxiety as surprised when others taking a huge step on their life, but maybe that shiny new diamond is just one part of the story. So, I’m kind of realized that there’s just something about my life that I have yet to figure out, and I think it’s a Self-Acceptance.

Since I’ve graduate from college, I lived in various city in this country. At some point, having a chance getting to know lot of people (with different ethnic backgrounds, from different cities and countries, who live at various socioeconomic levels), I begin to understand that everyone basically wants the same things. The way we pursue these desires is where things branch off, but the fundamentals are the same. I can easily notice that, people want validation, love, happiness, fulfillment and hopes for a better future.

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Learn to Let Go The Uncontrollable

Surely there is a time when you realize that,
it is a time to let some things go..
It’s the moment you realize that all that anger,
and worry just isn’t useful..
And you start to let go of it,
and just enjoying your life…
But, it just takes a while..

Life is constantly changing. But, there comes a point in life when I just get tired of trying to fix everything. I think it’s not giving up. It’s just realizing that I don’t need certain things or certain people and “the drama” they used to bring.

I think, sometimes, what happened in our life, can be so unpredictable, out of our control, and so stressful. But, as you grow older, there are things that you just have to let go, without any complain, and without looking it back. And yes, those things are usually the uncontrollable and the unchangeable, that will remove all the burden that we used to have.

Letting go of the uncontrollable and unchangeable in life is to admit the obvious truth, that I’m not responsible to affect a change or correct a problem which is beyond my competency, power, authority or responsibility.

It is releasing over-responsibility, giving permission to myself to be free from an over-responsible sense of obligation, duty or requirement to make everything “perfect” in my life and the life of others. Somehow, It’s getting rational about what I can and cannot do, becoming realistic about what is and what is not.

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2012 – Life Doesn’t Design Like “Engineering”

What was left when that fire was gone?
I thought it felt right but that right was wrong,
All caught up in the eye of the storm,
And trying to figure out what it’s like moving on,
So, picking up the pieces, now where to begin?
The hardest part of ending, is starting again…

(~ Linkin Park – Waiting for The End)

Its getting to be about that time of year when everyone starts to look ahead to the future, think about the plans they’ll make for the new year, and set goals around all the things they hope to accomplish. Well, I’m no different. In the end, the lessons from 2011, are meant to be the resolutions of 2012..

Yep, for all I know, 2012 is going to be the most difficult year ahead. The path ahead will not be smooth. It will be challenging, it will be rocky and I may even feel like quitting at times. I’m excited, but undoubtedly a little scared. But whatever happens, learn to accept everything what life will throw at me. I have to “Walk the walk” and (also enter) hope, and, focus on the dignity of simplicity (kesederhanaan)..

Well, my life doesn’t always look exactly like I want it to. But, I think the world doesn’t change all that much if I have more money, a different space, or a better job. The wrapping paper is different, but the gift inside stays the same.

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Financial Freedom = Happiness

It’s not your salary that makes you rich,
it’s your spending habits..
Don’t let your fantasies speed-up your reality..
Bury your financial fantasies,
work hard, spend & invest wisely..
~ Charles A. Jaffe

Most people said, money isn’t important, or money does not buy happiness. How many times have you heard this? Lots of times, I am willing to bet!!! Many will argue that money is an object that, while making life a little easier, doesn’t or can’t buy happiness. My view is slightly different, and I think I’ve had enough “education” in this regard.

I mean, I do subscribe to the notion that money isn’t everything, but I also believe that it is a major, critical facet of life today. If we can take the need for money out of our life’s equation then we will be free to live life as it’s meant to be lived. But as long as it remains a means for survival, nobody can tell me money isn’t important or doesn’t create an immense amount of unhappiness and stress.

I mean, after pass the college and living in reality for few years, met a lot of people that having different socio-economic life, I realize that it’s not about “the money itself”, but the most important thing is the saving, or a sufficient continuous income. Because, our savings, believe it or not, affect the way we stand, the way we walk, and our self-confidence.

What I understand, the harsh truth is that, a man without savings is always running. He must take the first job offered. He sits nervously on life’s chairs because any small emergency throws him into the hands of others. Without savings, a man is often fearful of the present and the future. Being in a constant state of fear is a horrible way to live, right?

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Long Holiday & Faraway from Everything

People come home for a lot of reasons..
They come home to remember,
They come home because of nowhere else to go,
They come home when they’re beaten,
They come home when they’re proud..
but people always come home because,
it’s the only place in the world where understand them..

Yup, It’s been a while, and so, at the end of this year, I got my long field break, finally. I know, I really need this. It’s a good time to holiday. At first, I thought it’s time for some reflection, recharge for next challenge on the next year, and honest “define” about “where I am”. Because, planning is like a map, a map itself won’t help  if we don’t know where we actually are.

Then, when I’m in a plane to Jakarta’s home, I still remember how my mind can’t stop wondering during the flight. I saw people in the executive class, and I notices that they’re cheering and laughing, they look sooo alive. And, I can’t help myself but thinking, how they can be just like that. Whaaw, they all looked so damn happy to me. God, why couldn’t I look like that?

I think, most of us will agree with me, that we all want to wake up excited to go to work, spend our days accomplishing goals we’re proud of, and come home feeling pleasantly fulfilled. Oh, and somewhere in there, we’d like a paycheck that provides us with a comfortable lifestyle and may one day put our kids through college. That’s the dream of an ideal life, anyway.

On the one hand, I want life to be full of interesting, challenging missions that force me to learn, adapt and improve. On the other hand, I want a stable routine which ensures me don’t lose what I’ve gained.

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The Art of Challenge

It’s not what you do, it’s why you do it..
It’s not what you see, it’s how you look at it..
It’s not how your life is, it’s how you live it..
Because, just like everything else in life,
with the right attitude, everything will just be easy..

As far as I understand so far, Life is pretty much a big wheel of wants. As we grow older, spinning that wheel will take us on many different challenges. Part of that journey involves an element called “Chance”. But, the truth is, we don’t know what chances or opportunity we’ll encounter during our life. Suffice to say, the real world is a lot more ambiguous. It can be overwhelming, stressful and downright daunting.

And that is the thing that I’m facing right now. You see, since last month, I’ve been handed a new opportunity on my job, which made me not only dealing with technical side, but also to manage, control, and guide the team who execute the task. I know, this is the start of a very independent period for me, one of big chance for myself to grow professionally. This time there’s a new element called big responsibility that has been added to the game.

And, with this chance, it comes the challenge, where I’ve been forced to deal on my edge of incompetence, get out of my comfort zone, scaling my frustrations, tolerate the uncertainty, filter something grey, control my emotions, persuade/influence people without being “bossy”, arguing in a good & respectable manner, learning to prioritize, divide my attention but keep focused on detailed, and surely learning to put my ego at the right time & the right condition.

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