Self Deception on Career

Maybe it’s our behavior,
That we bend the facts to fit our self-image,
perpetuating a view of ourselves,
that is often more positive than accurate..”
(~Sam Sommers)

You see, when it come to career, I’ve always interested about “attitude” & behavior, just trying to understand my career more. And, this is another honest reality-based post, taken from various resource. I’ve noticed that various people doing those “self-deception” about their career. In fact, those “self-deception” can be used to make ourselves feel better, but sometimes it can cause problems.

Accompanied by denial, rationalization is used to justify things we do that we know are wrong. To sum it up, it is the way we allow ourselves to avoid facts. But, I think, rationalized are made so ourselves can feel better about a choice or decision at work, even deep down, we knew it was questionable.

The Better-Than-Average Effect
Have you ever involved on “Performance Appraisal” process at your company? If you ever done it, then you’ll notice that most people usually think they’re better or more than average, or having more than satisfied performace, etc. Let’s be honest, how many times have you thought to yourself, “I’m better than my co-workers.”?

Illusions of Control
It’s like that we convince ourselves that the randomness of life doesn’t apply to us. Others may be unable to manage their own workload, but somehow we think we can. Many workers think that if they do their job well and stay ‘under-the-radar’ at work, then they should be able to keep their job as long as they want it, a controllable job security. Do you think your hard-working efforts on-the-job ensure a job is yours for as long as you want it?

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Best Quotes “How I Met Your Mother”

Man, when I have kids,
and I’ll tell them how I met their mother,
I’m gonna tell them everything, the whole damn story..

Wow, this is my 100th post finally. I am still amazed at how far my personal page have been developed, which began with such humble expectations. To be honest, I’m writing here during my spare  alone time. Looking at back about posts that I’ve written, the more I realized how much my self has changed.

Usually, the tradition is “list 100 things about you”, but I have different opinion. I just want to write the quotes from my favorite Serial TV, where I grow up around them since three years ago. Those quotes are so related to me, and little bit also describe “things about me”. And, this quote from “How I Met Your Mother”, marks my 100th post. If you watched this Serial TV, you’ll know which scene from these quotes below.

About Love of My Life
Look, I know that odds are, the love of my life isn’t gonna magically walk through that door.. But, this seems as nice a spot as any to just, you know, sit and wait for a while, preparing myself at the same time..

It just felt nice actually. Where we can sit together just the two of us, and have a good casual conversation, with no intention of hidden “agenda”.. (~Ted to Robin)

Okay, I’m gonna say something out loud that I’ve been doing a pretty good job of not saying out loud lately. I’ve seen two people’s in love and really connected, and what I know what they had, I want that.. I do… I keep waiting for it to happen, and waiting for it to happen, and…I guess I’m just, um… I’m tired of waiting.. And that is all I’m going to say on that subject.. (~Ted)

I know that you’re tired of waiting, and you may have to wait a little while more, but she’s on her way, Ted. And she’s getting here as fast as she can.. (~Stella advise Ted)

I took a long walk that night. I thought about how opening myself up to another person usually means opening myself up to going a little crazy. I thought about how much easier it was just to be alone… (~Robin)

When it comes to love, the best relationships are the ones that just come naturally. I think that’s how it’s supposed to be. Have natural fun, and easy, and simple or uncomplicated. Because at some level, with the right person it has just to be easy. Looking at that girl and knowing she’s all you really want out of life, that should be the easiest thing in the world… (~Ted)

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25 Years Old, The Beginning of Reality

What makes a man who he is?
Is it the worst things he’s ever done,
or the best things he’s trying so hard to be?

I’m officially 25 years old, and suddenly, life is not so cool anymore. There’s some part of me that cringe as I approach this age. This milestone tend to get me thinking a lot & heavy, where I have to analyze every aspect, and surely on real-based. I know, who we are today is reflection about what we’ve done in the past, and who we are in the future is based on what we’ve done & decided today, right?

As I grow older, there are a lot of good moments happened in life, and they make life worth living. But the problem is, moments pass, and lurking around the corner from those moments is a cruel, named reality. I know it may sound stupid, but I didn’t always feel so great about myself growing up. But, It’s time to let go of the fantasies, It’s time to living in reality.

Where is it going? Who I’m gonna be in 10-15 years more? Where is place that I have to settle? What should I have done differently? Am I really happy with my life? Etc, and etc.. Then I start thinking about all the things in life that I haven’t done yet too.

Maybe this doesn’t happen to everyone, but it certainly happened to me. Because honestly, I really don’t want to just living life as if I had no choices, just like ” let the chips fall where they may”. But the problem is, some “fantasy” involved. As I reach 25, I really have to “delete” the fantasy part. Truth is, it’s quite scary.

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Dan Hill – Sometimes When We Touch

And who am I to judge you on what you say or do?
I’m only just beginning to see the real you..
I’m just another writer still trapped within my truth
A hesitant prize fighter still trapped within my youth..

It’s September already. And well, soon, my age will be a quarter-century old. For sure, “this subject” is becoming more and more appear to the surface on my life. I’ve listened this song for quite a while, mainly because how much it’s related with me, especially for now. The lyrics, melody, & its harmony speak for itself, and really touches me, deeply.

For me, this song it’s not about “romantic-girlie song”. When I’m really listened to it, understand the lyrics, words & meaning behind the song, then I can see why many people actually played this song at their wedding.

For me, this song is about a man that struggling with his feelings for a woman.  He faced a moral battle between his heart & his mind. He has deep, truthful & hidden love that wants to be shared, felt, & received.

On one hand, he wants to say he loves her but he knows that he’s not yet able to give her “a secure life”, that could hurt her someday. At times, he thinks they can be just friends, while prepare everything to make her “a luckiest woman”, even that romantic feelings flares when they met. He just wants to be responsible for his feelings but still he’s afraid & confused, and yet he wish to be with her forever.

The song meaning is deep, gentle and honest for me. I don’t know, maybe in love & life itself, there’s so many things that have to not go right, before we get it right.

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Responsibility of Tomorrow


“We can’t escape the responsibility of tomorrow
by evading it today,

Because the future is only, partly,
in our hands…”

(~Abraham Lincoln)

You see, in my opinion, when we try to divine the future, I think we’re really looking for hope. Or some peace inside, knowing everything is going to be okay, or reassurance that what we are doing is the right thing to do.

So, have you ever done this exercise: not daydreaming, but closing your eyes and really visualizing where you want your life to be in the future? What do you see?

For sure, all of us, We always want to get from here to there, because there’s something over there we really want. You do know that after this “Lebaran” / “Idul Fitri”, we have to go back to our “routine” city and leave our families, even with a very sad heart, right? Or, in another day, We’re counting minutes on deadline work, we’re watching & monitoring our bank accounts. The question here, what is it really? Why do we did that?

I think, because, all of us want to succeed in life. We want to accomplish something – to feel that in some way, we’ve “won”. Success or won by our own definition, not by others “standard”.

And the main thing that I’ve realized, the goals we set, and where we want to be in our future life, only can be achieved if that’s in line with the type of person who we are today. I mean, we  can’t accomplish every single thing we want in life, because some of the actions We’d have to take aren’t consistent with the type of person we want to be.

I look back, any of the biggest moments in my life did not come out of nowhere – they were the result of tiny moments of choice. I imagine all the little decisions I’ve made and how those seemingly insignificant choices have turned me into the person who I am today. The chances I took, the different paths I could have taken, if I had done things just a little differently, or the things I may have missed out on. I give myself some perspective, and realize that this single action I take will today will affect all of my tomorrows.

So, the main questions, are you willing to be the type of person you need to be in order to get the results you want? YES, I DO…!!! Because, I’m the one who’s responsible for my own future.

And that it isn’t just about trying hard – it’s about trying harder and pushing yourself, wanting to win so badly. Things, circumstances, and people come and go, and the only thing that remains constant is ME, witnessing it all from the present moment.

Maybe, Life is like a book, that everyday has a new page with adventures to tell, things to learn, and tales to remember. However, people are made wise not by the recollection of their past, but by the responsibility for their future…

Melewati Ramadhan di Project

(~Foto : Pertamina RU III, Plaju, Palembang)

Apa kabar wahai sang hati?
Semoga, seiring tak mengeringnya usaha untuk mengejar dunia,
tak mengering pula ibadah ini menghadap-Nya..

Alhamdulillah, Allah masih memberikan umur yang panjang hingga aku telah sampai pada pekan detik-detik akhir Ramadhan. Hati pun bertanya-tanya, apakah yang sudah berubah pada diri ini? Seperti apakah kualitas Ramadhan ku tahun ini dalam pandangan-Nya?

Ya Allah, aku takut, bahwa puasaku ini hanya “omong kosong” dalam pandangan-Mu. Puasa yang hanya semacam festival menunda selera menjelang waktu berbuka. Puasa yang dipersiapkan dengan sahur agar tidak tumbang di siang hari. Puasa yang dilakukan cuma karena takut ancaman-Mu. Dan, lebih-lebih karena takut ancaman sosial karena dinilai sebagai orang yang tidak bermoral dan tidak beriman. Astaghfirullah..

Tahun ini, kali kedua bagiku menjalani Ramadhan di tengah “hiruk-pikuknya” Project Oil & Gas di Field (Prabumulih & Palembang / Plaju). Ada tantangan tersendiri dalam memimpin subcont-subcont dan Vendor di saat puasa. Tetap kritis namun tidak “menggurui”, tetap disiplin walaupun ngantuk berat, tetap sabar walaupun lagi kesal. Ya begitulah, dengan segala kesibukan duniawi, tetap harus diimbangi dengan beribadah khusyu’.

Ada satu pengalaman menarik yang akan selalu ku ingat, yaitu ketika mencari makanan sahur. Di dekat mess, ada Ibu pedagang nasi (yang kebetulan juga orang Minang), dimana setiap kali belanja makanan sahur di sana, si Ibu akan selalu berkata, “Alhamdullillah Allah membagi rezeki, Semoga rezekinya bertambah-tambah, agar Ibu juga kebagian”.

Kata-katanya sangat sederhana, tapi selalu membuat hati ini merenung. Dan begitulah setiap saat ada orang datang membeli, lisannya tulus mengucapkan syukur dan doa buat mereka. Ucapan syukur yang tulus, ucapan do’a yang ikhlas, yang seakan-akan mereka berada pada posisi yang sangat bahagia. Yang memang selalu merasa cukup atas apa yang Allah berikan pada mereka.

Astagfirullah ya Allah, bagaimana dengan aku? Apakah aku masih terlalu sering mengeluh merasa kurang cukup juga atas pemberianmu? Ya Allah, aku malu..

Ya Allah, Ya Rahman, terimalah taubat tengadahnya jemari dalam penatnya kaki melangkah. Berikanlah aku kemampuan untuk melihat tirai hikmah hidup yang dilalui, agar hati dan lidah ini mampu selalu berujar, ”Terima kasih atas semua ini, wahai Yang Maha Sayang!”

Self Honesty

“The best years of your life are the ones
in which you decide your problems are your own.
You do not blame them on anyone, the ecology,
the environment, or even the president.
You realize that you’re responsible for your own life.”

(~ Albert Ellis)

As I am growing up, I’m slowly gaining consciousness through random encounters in my life. And, during this holiday (Field Break), it reached the peak point. I spent my time analyzed what I had done in my life, what I had achieved – and what was it worth? Am I the person who I want to be? Am I living my own value?

I’m trying to take a good hard look at myself, and I understand that It can be hard to just honest, to look ourselves in the eye and see what’s really there. Because, so often we see ourselves as something we’re not. And so often, we want others to see something different as well.

But, I’m now much more willing to do this. I’m not sure what has changed. Perhaps I’ve stopped judging myself so harshly, or maybe that I didn’t try to “justify” my actions anymore. Or maybe I’ve just experienced enough to know now that it’s the right thing to do.

Because, when I’m honest with myself, it means that I wasn’t afraid to confront my own imperfections anymore. I realize also, that I’m the one who’s responsible about my own life, whether it’s good or bad, ordinary or extraordinary, interesting or boring, happy or sad, etc.

You see, I’ve been waiting for this phase in my life to begin for a long time, a phase where I can be myself and not worry about editing my attitude or my behavior just to “fit-in”. It is the most liberating feeling, indeed. Nothing beats being really honest about who you are and what you need. All the rest just works itself out.

Above all else, I always want to walk the walk, not just to stand aside and watch, no matter what people say or think, in both my personal & professional life.

But, in truth, the biggest lesson I’ve learned is that we may think we know what the future will hold and we can plan down to the most minute detail, but really, when it comes down to it, nothing is for certain, and nothing is completely predictable. Sometimes, things just happen the way they happen. We cannot know what the future holds for us in exact way, right?

When I really sit down and think about it, I don’t need to know what the future brings. The thing is, as long as I keep trying as best as I can, then I’m sure that I can gain more and more clarity about the right path of success.

I hope that no matter what I do from here on, all pieces of puzzle will fall right into place, and my journey continues..

Natural Gas Liquids (NGL) Pipeline

The art of living draws no sharp distinction between his labor & his leisure, his work & his play, his education & his recreation. He simply pursues his vision of excellence through whatever he’s doing, and leaves others to determine whether he’s working or playing. To himself, he is always doing both.

(~James A. Michener)

You see, I’ve been moving to new city since last month, it’s related with my Job Assignment for Oil & Gas Project. Currently, I’ve been involved on Engineering, Procurement, Construction, and Commissioning (EPCC) of Oil & Gas Project for NGL (Natural Gas Liquids) Pipeline, that will be used to transport an extracted NGL from Prabumulih to Palembang.

As you know, a pipeline is a complex transportation system, that is intended for transporting a fluid (liquid or gas), from plant to other plant that have long distance. Pipelines perform vital functions. They serve as arteries, bringing natural gas through a dense underground network of distribution lines, that have facility such as Pig Launcher, Pig Receiver, Metering Stations, SCADA System, Valve Stations, etc.

As Pipeline Engineer, I have to know about specification, criteria, and requirement. It will be useful on route selection, wall thickness analysis, flexibility stress analysis, stability analysis, corrosion protection, installation analysis, etc. And surely, to ensure the constructability of pipeline design, both on “paper” and also on the field.

The Dynamism Part – Living The Life

The Dynamism Part is coming when I have to go to Field. As Field Pipeline Engineer, I have a role to ensure construction works will be perfoming as per engineering design & specifications. Also to lead all activities regarding any field adjusment.

Just like any Oil & Gas projects, working on the field have dynamism & flexibility. It is the best part, indeed. Because I’m not like “robots” anymore, It’s a lot of traveling & and mobile during the work. It feels that my life aren’t running on “auto-pilot”. I’m far away from life that caught in the loop of “going through the motions” in automated mode (repeating the same activities day by day).

You see, lots of people are drone through the weekdays, looking forward to Fridays and weekends, where they recharge themselves for yet another dead week ahead. This cycle continues week after week, with no end until they’re retired. They are too comfortably snuggled in the cycle, convincing themselves that their current life is the best one.

Because, as far as I concerned, the truth is, ”Death isn’t sad. The sad thing is: most people don’t live at all. “

The Self Changes

“Change won’t come
if we wait for some other person or some other time,

We are the ones we’ve been waiting for,
We are the change that we seek..”(~ Barack Obama)

Everything changes and that includes ourselves. We are not what we were five years ago. We have learned; we have changed; we have grown. Especially when I’m consciously molding myself with self-reflection. I mean, the change on the inside, the change of me.

If I think back through my own life, I notice the change about myself as I grow-up, and below are the list:

  • I find it hard to spend money “just like that” as I know that earning money is not that easy.
  • Realize that time, knowledge, and experienced are really, really, really precious.
  • Get the idea that things I’ve done a few years ago, feel extremely retarded to me now.
  • Aware of personal insecurities, personal fears, self-esteem, jealousy & feelings of envy. It’s just part of life, after all.
  • Asking much to myself about “What is really the meaning / purpose of life”.
  • Gained ability to evaluate the viewpoints of others, not just see things merely from my point of view.
  • Accepts the fact that I can’t always win, and “learns from mistakes instead of just whining about the outcome” are truly necessary.
  • Able to differentiate between rational decision making & emotional impulse.
  • Being able to distinguish between “needs” and “wants”, that makes me more able to take ownership and responsibility of personal actions.
  • Able to see the various shades of grey between the extremes of black & white, and understanding that open communication is the key.

The thing is, there are many aspects of my life that I have made very deliberate effort to change, and writing this is part of the process in order to make it happen. Surely, this is not something that can happen overnight.

And like most human beings on this planet, most of our lives are spent trying to improve, to move forward & evolving, and ultimately that’s all we are meant to do, and I’m no different…

Passion, It is..

“Your time is limited,
so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.
Don’t be trapped by dogma,
which is living with the results of other people’s thinking.
Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions,
drown out your own inner voice, heart and intuition.
They somehow already know what you truly want to become.
Everything else is secondary.”

(~Steve Jobs)

I do understand a lot about the quote above. You see, we all have these dreams, and somehow, reality of life pushes us in another direction, and next thing we know, we are far from those dreams we used to have.

Clearly, I’ve met a lot of people that seems not be doing what they were meant to do, or not doing what their knowledge meant to do. And, most of these people, are not happy at all with their life. This is an eye-opener for me.

You see, perhaps this is why there is so much unhappiness going on in our society, people just aren’t doing what they are here on Earth for. Maybe, that’s why passion is needed.

The question is, how do you know your passion?

You see, for me, peace is happiness, and happiness is passion. Think about something that you do or that perhaps you used to do that brings total peace to you when you do it. Sometimes, it can come from the topics of conversation we have. The topics that makes our eyes brighten up, and changes our entire behavior.

Or, think about something that you feel you must do and that failure is not even a concern of yours, because the mere act of doing it is like the journey and the destination all wrapped up in one. The thing is, as long as you remain true to yourself and follow your own interests, values and dreams, you will understand what passion is.

Perhaps most importantly, you won’t wake up a few years from now working in a career field you despise, wondering “How the heck am I going to do this for the next 30 years?”. So if you catch yourself working hard and loving every minute of it, don’t stop, that’s passion.  You’re on to something big. Because, in that way, by your own definitions (not others), you’re already success.

Honest to yourself, and go after your passion, and you’ll see what enjoying life mean..