We can’t plan life precisely.
Because no matter how perfect our plan is,
life has a way to rearrange it.
If you could see a movie of your life before you lived it,
would you want to live it?
Well, I’ve been involved on several Engineering Project on the company I’m working now. Just like any other Oil & Gas project that I’ve experienced, there is similar pattern that I know very well which always happen. It’s called the uncertainty moments, where I didn’t know what, when, and how the best solution of Engineering Design shall be applied for the specific problems or issues on the project.
I know, it’s the uncertainty that life is all about. But, to be honest, you see, I confess that I normally hate to be caught on the bad feeling in those uncertainty time. The most difficult part of uncertainty, at least for me, is the inability to plan and feel in control, until I know all the answer.
But maybe, it isn’t the uncertainty that bothers me, it’s my tendency to get lost in my feelings and thought about it. The feeling where I’ve made speculation and speculation, that leads me to start indulging fear, then I get lost in a cycle of reactionary thoughts.
But, It comes to my mind occasionally, “If I could see a movie of my life before I lived it, would I want to live it?” As for now, my direct answer will be definitely not. The thrill of living is that, I don’t know what’s coming. In other words, uncertainty is what makes my life fun. My sense is that, that uncertainty rescues me from boredom.
It’s like this, “If you could see each future step along the way, you’d never get the chance to be amazed at what you can do”, doesn’t it?
As I grow up, there were a lot of uncertainty moments came into my life. My first scary experience with severe uncertainty was during my time after graduate from college. Not knowing where I would go to work, where I would be living, and what I was going to do with my life, was too much for me to bear.
Yes, it’s hard to see uncertainty in such a positive light when I didn’t have a job, failed on a lot recruitment test, and it felt that I was failing even I’ve graduated from one of the top university at my country. The thing is, we are not programmed to embrace uncertainty and fear, aren’t we? It goes against our nature. It triggers our fight or flight instincts.
But, to be honest, during that time I learned to cope with ambiguity in hard way. I realized that the only way to lead an interesting life is to encounter uncertainty and make a choice. Otherwise, my life will not be my own — it is a path someone else has chosen. Moments of uncertainty are when I create my life, which that uncertainty is what allows me to surprise myself.
I mean, only during uncertainty, I carefully examine my situation. Put a light into the dark places. Dig deep objectively, and then I slowly begin to understand, and gain clarity. So, nowadays, I see the uncertainty is my compass towards growth. It’s an indicator that there are growth opportunities inside me. If I feel uncertain about a circumstance, it means I need to learn more. It has become a natural reaction for me to explore uncertainty as they arise, and work on them.
There is no antidote to uncertainty. Everything is always uncertain. There are infinite possibilities, which is what makes miracles possible. Life is about dealing with the question marks and making the best of them without any guarantees for what’s going to happen next. Nobody on Earth knows how things will turn out for us, which is why we have to give it all, so some amazing things can happen.
So yes, it’s because of the uncertainty, I have a gut to make my choice in my life. And all the choices I’ve made in my lifetime have brought me to this point. When I slow down and look at the big picture, I believe I have good life. I mean, it’s the uncertainty that give me a big surprise in my life, that now I become the best that I can be, ’cause now I’ve stopped wanting better one..