People come home for a lot of reasons..
They come home to remember,
They come home because of nowhere else to go,
They come home when they’re beaten,
They come home when they’re proud..
but people always come home because,
it’s the only place in the world where understand them..
Yup, It’s been a while, and so, at the end of this year, I got my long field break, finally. I know, I really need this. It’s a good time to holiday. At first, I thought it’s time for some reflection, recharge for next challenge on the next year, and honest “define” about “where I am”. Because, planning is like a map, a map itself won’t help if we don’t know where we actually are.
Then, when I’m in a plane to Jakarta’s home, I still remember how my mind can’t stop wondering during the flight. I saw people in the executive class, and I notices that they’re cheering and laughing, they look sooo alive. And, I can’t help myself but thinking, how they can be just like that. Whaaw, they all looked so damn happy to me. God, why couldn’t I look like that?
I think, most of us will agree with me, that we all want to wake up excited to go to work, spend our days accomplishing goals we’re proud of, and come home feeling pleasantly fulfilled. Oh, and somewhere in there, we’d like a paycheck that provides us with a comfortable lifestyle and may one day put our kids through college. That’s the dream of an ideal life, anyway.
On the one hand, I want life to be full of interesting, challenging missions that force me to learn, adapt and improve. On the other hand, I want a stable routine which ensures me don’t lose what I’ve gained.
But, in truth, I haven’t found those something “settle” yet. And, those kind of reality is quite bummer for me. While I’m trying so hard to remain positive and confident, but for some reason I’m scared. I know life isn’t a race, but, it’s just feel suck to not be able answering those question, to be “undefined”.
The disturbers of mine, is that the questions I had : “Whether all these are good, whether I’d make it..” Because when I was young, and I’d get an A on school/college test or whatever, I’d get this good feeling about all the things that I could be, all the things that I could achieve, and until now then, yet I haven’t became any of them.
But, when I arrived at my brother’s house, meet his new-born baby, offer some discussion, then I realize that I’m making big mistake for thinking too much about that. Well, some part of me thought that, the more I thought about it the more likely I would be to come up with a solution. But, in actual fact, all I’m doing is making myself sick and stressed..
I don’t know, in life itself, maybe that some poems don’t rhyme, and some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Screw the plan, that’s not “giving up”, It’s growing up.
So, for this field break, I just want to be enjoying my alone time, my peace time.. Far away from anything… Faraway from the job… Faraway from people… Far away from noise… Faraway from any deadline… Faraway from office e-mails… Faraway from any hype… Faraway from a constant disappointment in my head, and myself..
Just like my brother said, “I know I’ve been work hard too much recently, but on long holiday, put the work aside, and just enjoy the time to smell the roses, you deserve it, Met..” 🙂