The Leap of Faith – New Year 2014

 

UAE Fireworks

“When I look towards our future,
you are always pictured there..
Because, for the two of us,
home isn’t a place. It is a person.
And this year, let’s take the leap of faith step,
and say “we are finally home”..

Two years ago, I remember when I was going out when new year of 2012. That day, I looked out into the sea of Anyer beach, some fireworks buzzing in, and I couldn’t lie that most of the thing I felt in my heart was fear. I knew, that day, the path ahead of my life would not be smooth, it will be rocky and I may even felt like quitting at times.

So, I felt the fear that my life will be heading out nowhere, the fear whether I’ll be able to pick-up pieces in my life and continue to move forward, despite the harsh truth of reality and uncertainty, that life always throw at me.

But, in contrary, that was also the moment that I knew to become more Self-Acceptance. You see, as the saying goes, sometimes, things need to fall apart, to make way for better things.The eggs are already broken, maybe. So, let’s make sure, I get a pretty good omelet out of it.. For slight moment, I felt peace in my hearts that time, truthfully.

Realistically, and practically, I only had one choice – not only to accept, but to embrace the flow of life. Everything happens the way they happen. The only way I can adjust psychologically is to embrace the unexpected, and look for the good.

And, to be honest, that was the day that everything amazing was actually started in my life. An amazing thing that was far and far beyond my original dreams.

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27 Years Old – The New Chapter of Adulthood

Your greatest achievements of life,
are moments in time when what you’re doing,
allows you to see how wonderful your life already is…
Of course, the truest test of anything, is time..
And, the new chapter of my life story,
is about to begin..

27 years old!! Hmmm… It is kind of an awkward age — I’m not young anymore but also not too old, or still before the looming 30. It’s inbetween. So, 27 just sounded like a good time for things to happen. That said, 27 is going to be a year where a lot of things come together, and a lot of the foundations laid down since I was 22, come to fruition.

Some people say that, time changes everything. I think, it’s completely NOT true. It’s doing things that changes things. Not doing things leaves things exactly as they were. Because, the thing is, life always gives you two options, either you choose to put action “living your life”, or you choose to be a passive audience to your own life.

So far, 27 has been the strangest combination of courage, confusión, uncertainty, and happiness. But I like it, I think it went pretty cool. I mean, for these 27 years, there’s always a “surprise”, a completely unexpected things that happen beyond my wildest dreams, both good things & bad things.

As what I’ve experienced on living in real life since 5 years ago, life can take me for a ride and then drop me down. But, it is how to rise from there, and take steps towards, taking a ride back again towards where I wanted to go, is all that matters.

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Eid Mubarak 1434 H / 2013

May the Mercy & Blessing’s of Allah SWT,
be with us and our family,
during this auspicious Eid Blessings Day..

May Allah SWT have accepted all our prayers,
during this blessed month of Ramadan..

May our year ahead,
continue to be filled with,
a healthy, wealthy, and prosperity life..

May we have a Joyous,
and Spirited Eid Mubarak (Blessings) day,
with all our dear ones,
filled with Love, Peace, and Happiness..

And continue to be always..
Insya Allah..
Ameen..

Best Regards,
Armetra
(~from Bukittinggi – Abu Dhabi, to the world)..

Dear My Future Wife..

Dear my future wife,

I feel like everything in my life has led me to you.
My choices, my heartbreaks, my regrets. Everything.
And when we’re together, my past seems worth it.
Because if I had done one thing differently,
I might have never met you…

It’s never been easy for me,
to find words that go along with your “rhyme”,
But this time there’s actually something on my mind,
So please forgive these brief awkward lines,
I just want to write something honest, for you…

My dear,
I want you to know and understand, that….
If you are going to fall in love with me,
It’s only fair that you know to who that you are falling in love with…

You are falling in love with my insecurities,
my constant worries of failure,
my scared feeling to be just ordinary,
my narcissism, my self-confidence, and my idiot self-ego,
which embarrassing sometimes…

You are falling in love with my immaturity,
And my constant need to feel to be appreciated,
and also my need to feel independent…

You are falling in love with my overactive reaction when watching sports game,
my constant obsession for internet,
my stupid blog and stupid writing that no one reads about…

You are falling in love with my unrealistic hopes and dreams,
which you know that I’ll never given-up,
because the fact that I seriously believe they could come true,
And my obsession with trying to figure out how to success…

You are falling in love with how I’m a hopeless romantic at heart,
enthusiast to watch romance movie & hearing love song,
my fiction fantasies of true love, despite my masculinist views…

You fall in love with my my illogical thought process,
And my tendency to act like a smart & wise guy…

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The Reality of Living Overseas – Part 2

Eventually, a new country starts to feel like home.
But, the only way to really know if it’s for you,
is just to go for it…!!!!
Just say, “why not?” Life is beautiful…
Make choice to live your own life..
Live out your dreams before they turn into regrets…
Because, if you want it bad enough, you will make it work…

(~ARM)

Well, it has been officially one year that I’ve been living & moving abroad. And, I want to continue my writing on this topic (You can see Part 1 here), just to reflect from my own experience on living overseas. Like I said before, what about the realities of living abroad – do my dreams match the reality?

Yes, I love living in another country, soaking up all it has to offer. I constantly tell myself that these are the adventure that I’ll love telling my kids someday, that I won’t remember the downs nearly as much as I remember the ups.

However, as I always understand about life, there’s no such thing as “perfect ten” in real life, so still there is “but” somewhere along the line. I mean, that expat life isn’t glamorous as most people often thought it seem.

It’s Still Real Life, Not Vacation

I think, some people can fall into a trap thinking that, moving abroad is a piece of cake like “a long-term vacation”. Well, let me tell you honestly, you couldn’t be more wrong..!!! It’s a daily battle where you’ve been forced to adapt, and make things in new country become familiar.

You see, living overseas is nothing like vacationing there. 1-2 weeks of vacationing doesn’t provide a perspective on daily realities of living in foreign country. Vacations are a break from our daily life, they are NOT our everyday life. We still have to work, and we cannot spend money like on vacation. We need to watch our expenses, which limits us on all the activities like when going vacation.

The first 2 weeks after moving to a new place are, indeed, like being on vacation. There is so much excitement about being somewhere new and just seeing all the new places, people, and things. There is so much things to see and explore. Everything just looked shiny and new and wonderful.

But once “the honeymoon of being in a beautiful new place” has worn off, the reality of day to day life often sets in. Unforeseen difficulties and feelings of unfamiliarity creep in. I no longer know where to buy certain products, where to meet other people, where to go for walks or fun, etc. Familiarity is what makes somewhere feel like home and the absence of it, can be daunting.

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Self-Acceptance Part 2

Your life, with all its ups & downs you’ve encountered,
has molded you to be the person you meant to be,
exactly what it needed to be..
If you have the courage to admit when you’re scared,
the ability to laugh even as you cry,
the nerve to speak up even if your voice is shaking,
the confidence to ask for help when you need it,
and the wisdom to take it when it’s offered,
then you have everything you need,
to be the better version of your today’s self.

(~Marc & Angel)

This is the main foundation which I’ve started since more than a year ago. I’ve written the first part regarding self-acceptance in here, where my first step is, to give-up the control, or letting go the the thing that I can’t control in my own life. Because, life doesn’t design like engineering. Now, I would like to continue it, the thing that I mostly did since last year.

You see, sometimes, we just cannot force life to go in the direction we want it to. Imagine allowing things to happen naturally, and things work out, and all we did was smile and watch. We don’t have to worry about shaping things, about controlling something that can’t be controlled. We don’t have to push, and fix leaks, and put out fires. We just let things work on their own. They happen, at the right moment, for the right reason.

The Art of “Give-Up”

For this year, what I’ve been trying to apply, is “the art of give-up”. The thing is, I’m simply allowing things happened and I watch my life story unfolded, little by little. Surprisingly, the more I stop “trying so hard to force things to happen”, the more they just seem to sort themselves out. The more I let things happen, the less time & less frustations I’ve experienced trying to make them happen.

So, here’s the thing that I “give-up” in the pursuit of self-acceptance:
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The Question That Change My Life..

There are times in life when you need to just settle for less,
There are also times in life when you know that you deserve more,
And you need a push & courage to make a big changes for real…
And sometimes,
that came when you honestly question yourself..

(~ARM)

I remember this kind of week last year, (you can read it here), at the time, I felt indeed, my life was out of balance. Although, I’m ready to just settle for the kind of life that I was living at the time, as part of Self-Acceptance to the reality of life, but I can’t help myself to just wondering that I need big changes.

Maybe, at that time, I was juggling a lot. I know, at the time, things are (mostly) on track, and I can see progress in the different areas my life on career, romance, and other things. Overall, it is working. Yet, inside I feel overwhelmed, and some days – just downright tired from juggling it all. I felt that I should be split into different pieces to give the right amount of attention that everyone is asking from me. Yes, I felt, that there is something missing.

Well, I’m sure that most of us go through this at some point in our lives. You know that feeling that something is not quite right? That something is missing in your life? Maybe, we don’t really understand what it is, but it scares us. So much that we’re willing to do almost anything to make it go away.

Then, I asked myself to be brave enough to sit still and really listen to myself. That night, the tiny voice inside my mind, a voice startles me, just as I began to slide into sleep. “Go, dream, seize this moment”, it says. On other side, my mind stirs and answers sleepily, “Why? I already know what’s out there isn’t worth it that much. I have everything I need right here. My mind is suddenly filled with a thousand concerns and a feeling of looming uncertainty wells within me like a slowly draining battery.

Tick, tock. Tick, tock. I heard the sound of my alarm clock, and I couldn’t seem to remember how long it’s been. It seems more like a dream — someone else’s life, not my own. The quiet metronome of the clock reminds me of the creeping complacency that’s slowly shrouded my life, like a cancer gone undetected until it’s too late. “I wasn’t always like this. What happened?”

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The Reality of Living Overseas – Part 1

“I used to dream about escaping my ordinary life,
but my life has never been ordinary.
I’ve simply failed to notice how extraordinary it is.
Likewise, I never imagined that home,
might be something I would miss..”

Well, 10 months have passed since I came here to Abu Dhabi. And, as I become more and more settle into my new life in a new country as time passes, now it becomes less a question of how long I’ve been here, and more one of how long I’ve been gone from my home country.

I know, having overseas career is appealing for a lot of reasons. And, living in new country, even just going to the grocery store — when in an exciting new place within a new language — is a thrilling activity. And having to start from zero and rebuild everything, having to re-learn how to live and carry out every day activities, fundamentally excited me.

And at my home country, people that I used to know, nowadays just see me in a completely different way, and different level of respect. After all, it’s all about, very well, having dreams and hopes and aspirations however.

After all, being in my 20’s, I really want at this age to be the time in my life when I try new things. New jobs. Living in new cities. Meet a new people, with different culture, and different mindset.

But what about the realities of living abroad – do my dreams match the reality? From my own experience, my answer is “YES”, for the most part. However, as what always understand about life, there is no such thing as “perfect ten” in real life, so still there is “but” somewhere along the line.

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Embrace The Uncertainty Of Life

We can’t plan life precisely.
Because no matter how perfect our plan is,
life has a way to rearrange it.
However,
If you could see a movie of your life before you lived it,
would you want to live it?

Well, I’ve been involved on several Engineering Project on the company I’m working now. Just like any other Oil & Gas project that I’ve experienced, there is similar pattern that I know very well which always happen. It’s called the uncertainty moments, where I didn’t know what, when, and how the best solution of Engineering Design shall be applied for the specific problems or issues on the project.

I know, it’s the uncertainty that life is all about. But, to be honest, you see, I confess that I normally hate to be caught on the bad feeling in those uncertainty time. The most difficult part of uncertainty, at least for me, is the inability to plan and feel in control, until I know all the answer.

But maybe, it isn’t the uncertainty that bothers me, it’s my tendency to get lost in my feelings and thought about it. The feeling where I’ve made speculation and speculation, that leads me to start indulging fear, then I get lost in a cycle of reactionary thoughts.

But, It comes to my mind occasionally, “If I could see a movie of my life before I lived it, would I want to live it?” As for now, my direct answer will be definitely not. The thrill of living is that, I don’t know what’s coming. In other words, uncertainty is what makes my life fun. My sense is that, that uncertainty rescues me from boredom.

It’s like this, “If you could see each future step along the way, you’d never get the chance to be amazed at what you can do”, doesn’t it?

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2013 : NOT “Walk The Path”, But “Surf The Sea”

After he hit the ball, he directly go to round first,
things that he never done before,
without realizing any other things..
Here’s what’s really interesting.
When he arrived on round first, people laughing at him.
Because, he didn’t realize the ball went over the fence.
He hit a home run and didn’t even realize it.
Yes, It’s a metaphor..

(~Moneyball Movie)

It’s already 2013 now. I’m brimming with optimism and happy to welcome this new year. Particularly, because what I’ve done back in 2012. I’ll always treasure the 2012 as the year when I able “to make things happens”, a chapter of dream come true, so to speak. And yes, it all look too perfect.

And truth is, I’ve never been in this phase of my life before. I used to live on “chasing the dream”, but once I got the dream, and continue living with all the routine in it, I felt that I need to adapt on actually “how for living in the dream” itself.

The thing is, previoulsy, I used to look at goal setting as picking a destination, then figuring out a path how to get there, trying to enjoy the ride, and be happy with the journey. Only, after I’ve arrived there, I realized that “destination” is not exactly like mountain that won’t move, but in reality, it’s the landscape that changing constantly.

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