Jodoh? Apakah Itu?

Seiring bertambahnya usia, keinginan untuk bertemu pasangan jiwa makin lama makin menguat, dan mulailah aku meraba bagian hidup yang satu ini. Walaupun, aku sendiri belum tahu sama sekali tentang kapan, dengan siapa, dan di mana.

Seorang kakak mengirimkanku artikel sederhana ini (Jazakillah Uni, saya edit yak, he3).. Sungguh, benar-benar membuatku merenung tentang keadaan diriku sendiri. Akankah aku kelak mampu membangun keluarga SaMaWa seperti yang sering didengung-dengungkan?

Ingin rasanya saya bertanya pada teman-teman seusia yang baru saja menikah. Bagaimana mereka mampu mengambil keputusan terbesar dalam hidup tsb? Karena ingin menggenapkan separuh agama? Karena perasaan cinta pada seseorangkah? Karena sudah punya penghasilan tetapkah? Karena sudah punya rumahkah? Karena jiwa yang memang sudah dewasakah? Atau, mungkin karena sudah sangat merasa kesepian? Atau karena memang sudah jodoh?

Jodoh…Serasa ringan diucap, tapi rumit dalam realita. Apalagi jika sudah berbicara tentang kriteria calon idaman. Pada awalnya, kriteria calon hanya menjadi ‘bagian masalah’, namun kemudian justru menjadi inti permasalahan itu sendiri.

“Met, banyak orang merintih, menghiba dalam doa, dan menuntut kemurahan Allah. Namun prestasi terbaik mereka hanya sebatas menuntut, tidak tampak bukti kesungguhan untuk menjemput kehidupan rumah tangga.”

“Kehidupan berkeluarga adalah arena perjuangan, penuh liku dan ujian, dibutuhkan napas kesabaran panjang, kadang kegetiran mampir susul-menyusul. Jangan hanya siap menjadi raja atau ratu, tapi tidak pernah menyiapkan diri untuk berjuang membina keluarga.” (Begitu nasehat yang ada di artikel tsb)

Kehidupan keluarga tidak berbeda dengan kehidupan individu, hanya dalam soal ujian dan beban jauh lebih berat. “Met, jika kamu sekarang masih single, lalu dibuai penyakit malas, mengeluh, nyantai, trus, keluarga seperti apa yang akan kamu bangun kelak?” Astaghfirullah, benar-benar tertusuk dalam rasanya hati ini disuguhi pertanyaan itu.

“Ketika sifat kedewasaan telah menjadi jiwa, jodoh itu akan datang tanpa harus dirintihkan. Kala itu hati seseorang telah bulat utuh, siap menerima realita kehidupan rumah tangga, manis atau getirnya, dengan lapang dada..”

Jangan lagi bertanya, “Mana jodohku?” Namun bertanyalah, “Sudah dewasakah aku?”

Untuk sekarang, aku menjawab belum. Masih banyak hal yang perlu diperbaiki. Masih perlu banyak ikhtiar yang harus gigih ku lakukan untuk berjuang mempersiapkan diri, memperbaiki hati, dan menggapai mimpi…” Ya Allah, kuatkan aku..

Reality and Perception

In order to survive, we cling to all we know & understand,
And we label it reality.
But, knowledge & understanding are ambiguous,
That reality could be an illusion.
All humans live with the wrong assumptions.
Isn’t that another way of looking at it..??
(~Uciha Itachi)

You see, since I was a kid, I’m always refining my understanding, and re-adjusting my actions. I understand the world based on what I observe, experience, or read, and take action accordingly. Taking action gives me more data to refine my understanding of reality. And the cycle continues.

Because, “reality” is the thing we seek to improve our lives, right? As far as I’ve concerned, as humans, what we know, understand, or what we believe in, are what we think is real, that we defined it as “reality”.

But, the problems are most likely to start, when I see what I understand is wrong. There are times when my observation lead me to form wrong conclusions about the nature of my environment and my life. It’s like, that, I think I’m living out one story, but the truth turns out to be something else entirely.

Then, everything on “my reality” just seems cruel to me. It felt like my expectations, are betrayed by the numbers of what happened. The “right thing” (as I knew) just doesn’t matter anymore. The “fair thing” (as I knew) doesn’t matter anymore. And worst part, I lost the sense which one is true or wrong, because both have strong logic “argument”.

Maybe, that reality, that which I believe is right once, is truly an illusion. It’s not real, it’s just in my head, and it’s simply that which I cling to, in order to survive. Or, in simple word, it’s just my wrong perception.

Then it made me realize, I think, I just have to letting it go of “what was” and “what should have been,” and focusing my energy on “what is” and “what could be possible”, to the positive realities unfolding in front of me.

Now, I got the perception (“new” reality) that “What will make me happy?” and “What will make me successful?” are maybe completely two different questions. I don’t know, let the time answer that…

Grass Always Look Greener on Other Side

We all take so much for granted.
It takes a lot of emotional stability to be content with what we have.
To be able to resist the temptation of thinking that other people have it better

It’s easy to look up at the people that we think are more “successful”, and believe that they’ve got it all together, right? It is funny how that everybody knows this, but still we have all of these issues in our lives.

As I’ve started climbing the ladder myself, I’ve realized, it because I never see the personal struggles that they go through, and the fears they have to deal with. That gives me enough common sense to recognize that there are people around me who are in far worse situations, and I have lot of thing to be thankful for.

For example? I thought becoming a manager in a big company is really great achievement, you got prestige, you got a car given by company, you can travel to far place for meeting, and also lots of money that can provide everything for your family. But, after I understand what they’ve been through, I can see that “Yep, the grass just look greener on other side”.

It always looks better. The other side, the grass on the other side. Not just the grass, also the friend’s wife / girlfriend, your friend’s sports car, your boss’s apartment, your colleague’s job and how ever many examples you want to hear.

I think, everyone always wishes for something they don’t have. Maybe we want to be like someone else in certain ways, maybe we want to live someone else’s life, because we think our life sucks. But truth is, we may not have an easy life, but it is our life.

So next time, if you think someone has it better than you, just stop and think about how others may think you have it better than them. The grass on your side may just be greener..

The Weekend Part – To Anyer Beach

Everyone need vacation to “renew” & refresh the mind.
Sometimes, when we feel overwhelmed & tired,
it’s cue for taking a break.
Just like a car with no fuel that needs to be refueled..

I was in a slump for this couple of months, and just realize it was because I didn’t take a break at all. I was just working day-after-day and my mind and soul rebelled by taking a hiatus. I couldn’t get new ideas for my improvement project, and items on my task list became “burden” rather than enjoyments.

So, after get caught physically and mentally, I decide to take a break and going for trips on the weekend. It’s just so I can relaxed and enjoyed the moment to be young, far away from job & work complex, and forgetting all problems for a while.

Yep, I was going weekend to Anyer beach..

It started with spend the night with some co-workers in a small but so comfortable villa near the beach. In the morning, I was enjoying the air on the sea. You see, when you look on the sea, then your eyes would meet to “the line” that divide the sky and earth, It felt like the world is so big. My mind just felt peace, free, so relieved, and all problems I had on the work just felt tiny little things. It really help to clear the mind, you know.

And, as I ride to go home on early evening, I can feel that my clear minds simply telling me that most obstacles are just temporary, even it felt though, they aren’t going to last forever. Just like seasons, bad times come and go.

Well, today, Monday has arrived. I felt fresh, and ready to continue..

Types of Women I Can’t Stand

First of all, it’s not exactly black & white. Keep in mind that many women may show some traits from more than one category listed below and still be great girlfriend material. After all, it’s not exactly news that women tend to be more emotional than men.

Here is the the personality types of woman that I can’t stand :

Agony “Aunt”
There are some women who constantly feel they are an ‘advisory person’. They feel it is their business to hear out the whines of everyone and suggest suitable solutions. They’re so deeply involved in this “part-time” job that they inadvertently sound like they are advising you as well. Nobody wants to date a mom, you know..

Miss “Sharp” Mouth
Any conversation will end-up with two or three words that “too mean”. Her manner is really frustrating. She isn’t concerned at all if they hurt you or anybody else. If you manage to make it through one hour of listening to her manner on talk, mean you can survive on anything.

Miss Needy / Miss Insecure
This woman seems great at the start, because she’s very nice. Then, soon, she’s calling you 10 times a day, asking to see “where the relationship is going,” or she’ll ask you if you still love her about a thousand times. She’s clingy, needy and compulsively agonizes that she thinks that you’re going to leave her at any moment for another girl.

Let’s face it: If you can’t have a little independence in relationship, it’s never going to last. Unless, of course, you’re also needy.

Drama Queen
In particular, her hobby is to dramatize about absolutely everything. Small things are easily been blown out of proportion. She talks like everything is “tragedy”. If you advise her, then she felt been judged. If you just silence, she thought you didn’t care. During her “drama movies”, you can see that her sense of logic is out of whack. Unless you’re into lots of drama and screaming.

Miss Elusive
She is usually one of the “walking wounded” — someone who has been hurt in past relationships and so subconsciously sabotages new relationships in the present. Your association with her will be one of utter frustration, she shows great interest in you, but very quickly runs away, then repeats this cycle over and over again.

Miss Desperate
Maybe because she felt really lonely. So, Miss Desperate wants to have boyfriend right now. She doesn’t care who the guy is, or what he does, didn’t need to go for “knowing each other” phase, as long as she can got boyfriend right now. It can be felt really creepy pretty fast.

Miss “Princess”
The Princess is high maintenance girl. She is entirely focused on herself. She needs to be the constant center of attention. She is a self-serving narcissist who was raised as “daddy’s little girl,” and expects the same from you. She will constantly keep you busy taking care of her every need. And Princess absolutely has no idea that real life consists of paying bills and cleaning toilets.

Miss Controlling
She is a subtly nasty one who will wind up directing every phase of your life. She will tell you what to wear, where to go, who to talk to, what friends you can have, what you can eat — everything. And if you try to stand up for yourself, she will cry, scream, pout, or use any other deceptive female “tactic” until you give in and succumb to her demands.

Miss Worker Bee
If you are buzzing nineteen to a dozen only about the presentations you have to make for the boss, deadlines, colleagues, HR head and the office janitor – it’s obvious you have nothing else to talk about. A man may want to know about your interests, your views on him, and more, but you prefer to hide behind ‘work’ all the time. If you want a man, any man actually, please get a life first.

The Destination?

Faith in Life

I’m just a man with something to prove,
slightly bored, & severely confused..
I hope, I can
manage to see the light on this “tunnel”..

You know, I always like to wake up in a late night, in time that morning will closely come. This kind of time really gives me a lot to think, surely, in a silence, which gives me sharp thought. In this kind of time, I usually doing some “dialogue” with my own mind. “Talking to myself”, if you prefer to put that way.

Right now, I’m thinking about Life Destination. I know, it will take a long “road” to arrive at the destination. Although, the destination itself maybe still exist on “fantasy”.  But, when I’ve tried to be honest to myself, it’s really give me some “pause” moment about the worthy on what I’m sacrificing. Because, I can’t even guess how often I believed the thoughts I was holding onto were true, only to find out otherwise.

I’m sure most of people keep hoping that one day we will find the man who really understands our experiences, the woman who will bring peace to our restless life, the job where we can fulfill our potential, the book which will explain everything, and the place where we can feel at home..

Such false help leads us to make exhausting demands and prepares us for bitterness and dangerous hostility when we start discovering that nobody, and nothing, can live up to our absolutistic expectations.

I do understand that Life is too short to feel sorry for yourself, to sit and do nothing. Because, I’m still believing that when I live an unconventional life, I’ll grow much faster than someone who’s looking for security, comfort and convenience..

It’s about faith for believing in a possibility, even when life gave all reasons not to believe..

The Overwhelmed Part

Life Crisis

At some stages of our life,
We will deal with things We are overwhelmed with misery and anxiety…

2 months ago, at the end of day, I’ve got formal feedback from my boss. In one side, I felt grateful for being labeled an excellent performance. On the other side, I felt so worried to maintain this, to maintain the perfect “season”..

I think that’s where everything start. More and more responsibility, with more complex technical-based of task comes to my desk. I do know that these responsibilities reflect their trust on me. But, it left me with a huge burden to finish it in perfect way.

And finally, today is the point of my life where I’ve really got caught with tired, stress, and simply couldn’t keep up with the pace of progress. More and more problems are showing up on my daily job, uncontrollable. All of dreams for my future-living, just to be replaced by exhausted reality, attacked day by day..

It’s just, I’m finding every little step is a struggle, like I’m carrying too heavy a load, that as I walked, it seemed to grow heavier and heavier. Sometimes, “tiny” things can be surprisingly significant weighing me down. I’m not strolling along easily any more. I’m not enjoying the journey. Every step feels like a big effort – and I just can’t understand why..

I felt that I’ve got caught up in a relentless downwards spiral. Guilt-trip on telling myself that I shouldn’t feel this way. I’m angry to myself, and frustrated with my performance, felt lonely somehow, felt upset and scared with my expectations..

It wasn’t like the old time, where I was just happy and thriving despite everything the world threw at me. And the worst part, I really felt so alone to face it..

I know – I know – I’m telling myself, over and over again, that this feelings are all just in my head and I’ve got the power to choose them. But, that doesn’t make it a lot easier. It just makes me beat myself up. “Why can’t I cheer up? I should pull myself together. I need to be stronger. There must be something wrong with me”. Whatever it is, I feel like I’m being slowly crushed..

I don’t like how my feeling. I know when we’re overwhelmed, it’s easy to end up going in circles. But, I really don’t know where to begin sorting through all the stuff that makes up my life. I’m afraid that if I stop, I’ll be left behind..

And, it is hard to take a break too. There is always “deadlines” everyday, a lot of commitments which I just can’t get away from. I’m really confused with the next steps, which’ll get me closer to where I want to go..?? I really just hope to overcome the overwhelmed quickly..

The 2010 Journey..

It feels like it was just yesterday that 2010 year was beginning, and now it’s all over. Time flies fast, doesn’t it?

It’s just like driving. When you’re driving in a car, it can be hard to see where you are and where you’re heading to. On the other hand, pausing for a short moment to look at “the map” can be amazingly helpful. Doing so helps to regain focus.

2010 will be remembered as the year that pushing me towards an adulthood life. Today, I looked at back with anything that I’ve done, even I couldn’t believe with what I’ve achieved.

2010 was begin with lots of feelings of under-achievements in almost every aspect of my life. While some of my friends had already established their career path, me on another side, was back to “square one” after resigned and become unemployed. Then, I was facing a daring adventure month on “selling” my resume, going from one opportunity to another opportunity and from one city to another city.

My own small business hit the lowest point where I didn’t have any clients at all, that was leaning to a self-doubt. “Maybe I’m in the wrong business, or ” maybe I’m a total idiot for thinking this would ever work out at all,” I was wondering..

And with those kind of event in my life, it really made me far far away to think about those love stuff, such as dating or serious relationship.

Then, after long dark “road”, then, I jumped to the ship in one of big worldwide company that served Oil & Gas Industry. A job that provide me an opportunity to have a real career path, to grow, to learn, and also going overseas. The opportunity to completely change my whole life to walk in a new direction.

But, the job turns out that I have to work in a way that I couldn’t imagine. Workload that makes me have to sacrifice my personal life, the stress when I felt stuck with the analysis, and also being a multitasker junkie, but surprisingly been trusted to be an interviewer.

Then, near end of the year, clients suddenly coming in, and my own business back again to the game. Eventually, It forced me to hire a few staff.

What about love area? Well, I looked at some of my friends that getting married, that honestly presents a strange moment of self-evaluation, especially when wedding invitation came. But, in 2010, my main focus was to prepare myself in terms of religion, mentality, attitude, financial, etc. But, I’ve done nothing for chasing or trying to built “connection”. Yep, I know that odds are, She’s not gonna magically walk through that door, but it seems as nice a spot as any to just, sit and wait for a while, preparing myself on any side.

So, 2010..?? I learned that “timing” is so important in any area of life, experienced times to be underrated & unappreciated, felt too old for some stuff, experienced the period where I felt lost control over my path, and therefore also felt anxiety about my decisions, confused about what I’m sacrificing or compromising..But there was also a moment when I realize I can’t just skip ahead to where I think my life should be..

Yep, Tomorrow had arrived..Welcome 2011..

Opick – Rapuh

Detik waktu terus berjalan,
Berhias gelap dan terang..

Suka dan duka, tangis dan tawa,
Tergores bagai lukisan..

Seribu mimpi, berjuta sepi,
Hadir bagai teman sejati..

Di antara lelahnya jiwa,
dalam resah dan air mata,

Ku persembahkan kepadaMu
Yang terindah dalam hidupku..


Meski ku rapuh dalam langkah
Kadang tak setia kepadaMu
Namun cinta dalam jiwa
Hanyalah pada-Mu

Maafkanlah bila hati
tak sempurna mencintai-Mu
Dalam dadaku harap
hanya diri-Mu yang bertahta..

Detik waktu terus berlalu
semua berakhir pada-Mu..

(See the video below).. Continue reading

Excuses on Our Mind

“Whatever you hold in your mind will tend to occur in your life.
If you continue to believe as you have always believed,
you’ll continue to act as you have always acted.
If you continue to act as you have always acted,
you’ll continue to get what you have always gotten.
If you want different results in your life or your work,
all you have to do is change your mind…”

You see,  I am constantly fascinated about what the mind can make me do (or not do). But, the complexity of our minds actually can become our own worst enemies when it comes to being happy. It will tell us one thing and desire another, or strive for a goal while secretly fearing for achieving it..

Here is the list that I’ve experienced at some point of my life :

“I’d be happier if I just had less to do..”
Minds trick that thinking we’d be happier if we didn’t have to work. However, the truth is that idleness often leads to boredom and depression. Surely, We need challenge and accomplishment to be happy. When you take all the pressure off from struggling, you lose your sense of purpose. I’ve experienced this when I was unemployed few months ago.

“I just need to discover the secret to success..”
I am convinced that there are no “secrets” to success. Living a successful life is pretty simple. Create a vision for the future, formulate a strategy, and then work hard to achieve it. If you fail, you try it again. I’m not sure if there are shortcuts or secrets to that.

“I like things just the way they are..”
Believing this is just letting yourself be set-up for a fall. Life is a journey of constant change. Some of which we control and some we don’t. Resisting changes or trying to control the changes is self-defeating. It will drain you. Change is inevitable. Accept this, learn to go with the flow, being adaptable, and then you might suprised for result.

“I’ll decide when I know for sure what to do..”
Over-thinking every decision will leave you stymied. Weighing the risks, analyzing the possibilities and making a plan are important, but nothing ever happens until a decision is made and action is taken. Don’t let your mind trap you into over-analyzing everything, because We very rarely have perfect information when making choices. Trust me!

“Dreams only come true for those that are lucky..”
Our minds will sometimes trick us into thinking we are victims of fate. They will lead us to believe “nothing good ever happens to me”. What our brains credit as the luck of others. We are full of potential and although your circumstances might add a degree of difficulty, just keep trying, and you might be surprised at the “luck” that comes your way. Never let your mind trick you into giving up. Something interesting happens when you eliminate the option of giving up. We don’t know what tomorrow holds, right?