Your life, with all its ups & downs you’ve encountered,
has molded you to be the person you meant to be,
exactly what it needed to be..
If you have the courage to admit when you’re scared,
the ability to laugh even as you cry,
the nerve to speak up even if your voice is shaking,
the confidence to ask for help when you need it,
and the wisdom to take it when it’s offered,
then you have everything you need,
to be the better version of your today’s self.
(~Marc & Angel)
This is the main foundation which I’ve started since more than a year ago. I’ve written the first part regarding self-acceptance in here, where my first step is, to give-up the control, or letting go the the thing that I can’t control in my own life. Because, life doesn’t design like engineering. Now, I would like to continue it, the thing that I mostly did since last year.
You see, sometimes, we just cannot force life to go in the direction we want it to. Imagine allowing things to happen naturally, and things work out, and all we did was smile and watch. We don’t have to worry about shaping things, about controlling something that can’t be controlled. We don’t have to push, and fix leaks, and put out fires. We just let things work on their own. They happen, at the right moment, for the right reason.
The Art of “Give-Up”
For this year, what I’ve been trying to apply, is “the art of give-up”. The thing is, I’m simply allowing things happened and I watch my life story unfolded, little by little. Surprisingly, the more I stop “trying so hard to force things to happen”, the more they just seem to sort themselves out. The more I let things happen, the less time & less frustations I’ve experienced trying to make them happen.
So, here’s the thing that I “give-up” in the pursuit of self-acceptance:
- Give up trying to be perfect – The real world doesn’t reward perfectionists, it rewards people who get things done.
- Give up to fight my imperfection side – I’m human that also have flaw. We all have good days and bad days and that is okay. So, I focus on the good, and not fixate on the bad. The thing is, how can we really like ourselves all the time? I think, that’s not possible. But, surely that is the whole point of life. It’s an exploration that includes trying things, finding out what you like, what worked, is working and what is not.
- Give up trying to be “cool”, or to be popular, or to be the center of attention.
- Give up wanting “to be different”, for the sake of being unique. Nonconformity for the sake of nonconformity is conformity. When people try too hard to be different, they usually end up being just like everyone else who is trying to be different. Once again, be yourself.
- Give up keeping relationships with people I don’t like – Give up relationships with people who bring me down, and give up the tolerance for them. Saying “no” to right people gives me the time and resources required to say “yes” to right opportunities.
- Give up trying to be always happy all the time – Instead, settle for being peaceful.
- Give up trying to constantly improve myself. Sometimes too much self improvement can cause me to lose sight of the present.
- Give up complaining – I just do something about it.
- Give up being shy – So, I network with people. I meet new people. I ask them questions. I introduce myself.
- Give up persistent multi-tasking – Do one thing at a time and do it right.
- Give up making promises I can’t keep – Don’t over-promise. Over-deliver on everything you do.
- Give up letting my thoughts & feelings bottle up inside – People are not mind readers. They will never know how I feel unless I tell them.
- Give up my sense of entitlement – Nobody is entitled to anything in this world. We are all equal. We breathe the same air. We get what we give. We get what we earn.
- Give up filling every waking moment with commitments and activities – It’s okay to be alone. It’s okay to do nothing sometimes. Think. Relax. Breathe. Be present enjoying current moments.
- Give up my expectations, and throw them in the ocean – You see, people build these expectations in their heads of what other people should do, what our lives should be like, how other drivers should behave … and yet it’s all fantasy. It’s not real. And when reality doesn’t meet our fantasy, we wish the world were different. What’s a life without expectations like? It means, I accept reality as it is, and people as they are, without expectations, without trying to force people into the containers I have for them, seeing things as they are. It’s a life where I don’t need to be disappointed or frustrated or angry — or if I am, I accept it, and then let it go.
The thing is, as I grow older, I realize what matters most. I discover myself, I find out what I want…what I need….and also perhaps, what I deserve. When I give up, I accept life as it is. No strings attached. No wishing things were different. If an action needs to be taken, I take it.
It’s interesting how we seem to have so many problems, so many dilemmas. But, most of these problems only exist within our minds. They’re not real physical problems; they’re simply psychic, imagined obstacles. So, most of the time the answer to solving them is just “Give-up”, and with that, I can easily more and more accept my self for who I am.