Self Awareness..


For every being cursed with self-awareness,
there remains the unanswerable question:
Who am I?
How do I “connect” with others?
There are nearly seven billion people on this planet.
Each one, unique, different.

We struggle to find meaningful connections to one another.
Maybe, We are the caring friend…
or, The loving father…
The doting mother…
The protected child…

We fight and we love in the hope that somehow,
together, we can understand our significance in the universe..

But in the end, no one can share our burden.
Each of us alone must answer the question…
“Who am I?”
“What does it mean to be alive?”

And in the vast infinity of time,
“how do I matter?”

This quote is from Heroes 3rd Season Eps 24.. This quote strikes me at some points. Yeah, of course about myself, my future, and my world. By my world, it means, my faith & believe to God, my family that I’m really grateful, my friendship circle with easy judging attitude, my job that makes me struggle to understand, or, wondering the girl that I can introduce as my wife someday.. And, how do I matter for all..??

If I picturing my whole life since I was a kid,
All I can understand, that I used to see the big picture first,
then the interrelatedness of each part or each things,
I mean, how each part contributes to the other.
And, by this mind set, I used to be good to
creates synergy and removes artificial barriers among roles and goals.
Or, in simple sentence,
I used to be able to identify the problems, What, Why, and How..

And, My Mom said, that kind of things means,
I’ve been gifted with something called “Awareness”.

But, at this moment,
I’m wondering, what actually “self awareness” is.
Especially, after I read quotes above.
Because right now,
I’m in kind of situations that is testing my believe system,
related with self confidence about How do I Matter.
I mean, how do people see me actually..?? I really have no idea..
And, to make it worse, I don’t know where to ask. I mean, who cares, right..??

Until, last night, My Mom called, and gives me simple advice.
She said, “You’ve just worried about “reputation” a lot, Met.”
Then, at that time I realized, that’s the part where I made mistake.
Worried about reputation or the way people to see me,
those are not self awareness, it’s just about “pride”.

Now, I understand the different.
As I grow in self awareness, I will better understand why I feel,
what I feel,and why I behave as I behave. It will create self acceptance automatically.

And reputation? It’s just from the surface.
It’ll better for me to concern more about the character on the inside, I guess.

Yeah, maybe it’s not every day that I get a shot at putting my feet on the right path.
Thank God, You give me an ability to understand the meaning…

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