Grown-Up: Train that Never Stop


What’s my age again? I’m 23 years old.. And somehow I think, so much of my life is wasted because I hate the idea of now and I love the idea of tomorrow. But when tomorrow comes and I still haven’t accomplished anything, I feel regret, depression, and ever so unfulfilled. Until, I realize about something that there is no turning back.

I mean, there comes a point in our life when We realize there is no turning back, right..?? We have all had that moment. The interesting thing is that some people are more equipped for this moment than others. Some people shut down and start to compensate in negative ways. Others embrace it and look forward to the future. Some people do both.

But, I guess, that’s why it’s called : Grow-Up.. And, this moment is pivotal because it is the start of my adulthood. As far as I’m concerned, how I deal with this moment has a lot to do with whether I ever really grow up at all – and, trust me, a lot of people at my age don’t..

I am not professing to have all the answers. Because honestly, I still struggle all the time to be used to with the idea for being like today, you know. Such as:

  • Financially independent – “make” money by my own
  • Emotionally independent
  • I’ve started on my career path & I don’t know where it end-up
  • I deserve something, but does not mean I will exactly get it
  • Figure out everything by myself
  • Admitted GENTLY when I failed, it means simply I wasn’t qualified enough
  • Make decisions, and it has to be really, really, really right

So, a few days ago, someone that I really respect told me, “Well, you have to grow up now“.. Honestly, those words have hit me so hard. No one starts at the finish line. And, the now is a foundation for it. Everyone has done something worthy, struggle, fail, and achieve,  and so do I. In simple sentence, “THINGS CHANGE”..

Yeah, “Things change, and It won’t stop”. Those words are the quintessence of growing up. These words summarize everything. Things change and when I fail to grasp that truth, I’ll suffer. Nothing lasts and nothing stays the same. My “kids day” is gone, my college day has long disappear, and all I have is NOW and, I hope, the future. Cause now I see, I’ll never stop this train..

Future-Worried Slaps Me

Have you ever had one of those days,
where nothing at all that monumental happens,
but by the end of it,
You have no idea of who you are anymore,
or what the hell you’re doing with your life?


I think, in career terms, that’s what happened for me right now.
I know, as I grown-up, there is always a new areas of experience,
where I have no guidelines, handle things badly, overreact, & get it wrong.

And again, I have to face it & just deal with it..

You see, when you reach at some stages of age on life,
you might be surprised to discover you still don’t have life quite figured out..
Especially, when your best plans are not working as you liked..
Then, it’s leaning to a self-doubt, future-worried, and fear.
All negativity starting to flash on mind, & self-confidence slightly fade away.

Because, honestly,
When everything in our life is right on track,
it’s easy to believe that things happen for a reason, it’s easy to have faith,
and also easy to give an advice or motivate others.
But when things start to go wrong, then it’s very hard to hold on to that faith.
It’s hard not to wonder what reasons these things happen for..

At the first place, the whole story looks so predictable. Study hard, go to college, graduate, then find a secure job, planning pension, meet a woman, and built a family. But in reality, even to get all of those predictable story arc, are not as simple as it sounds.

The real problem starts now, near around my mid-20’s, when I get thrown out into the world to do “whatever I want to” and realize that actually, the majority of the time is just been spent for surviving and helping others to survive. Kind of a bummer, especially when I spend the majority of my early 20’s of days looking forward to the freedom of being an adult to chase all my goals. This realization is enough to cripple me..

I know, the career path that I’ve chosen since a year ago will make me to deal a lot with uncertainty. Back to that time, I believed I can handle the challenge, and just being happy & excited to take it step by step. But, what I didn’t know is that dealing with uncertainty itself  is very stressful, especially when I experienced with my own-head to miss the best opportunity. And, I just can’t help myself to clear some air from all these future-worried.

Yeah, surely, now is the kind of time in my life at “the down” phase,
and, maybe this is exactly the times to behave & learn a lot as an adult..
To measure myself at least once with nothing to help me,
except my hands and my own head..
Well, for now, all I can think about, is to take “a leap of faith” route..

The Happiness

It’s pretty safe to say that at the end of the day, there are really only one or two things that truly matter. I don’t know, for you, maybe it’s making money with an amazing career, finding fame or prestige, have a stable relationship, etc. Wouldn’t you agree that an ultimate intention in life is to live well and be happy?

You know, the average person is living in a reality that is a reflection of the ideas and images in the world around them, rather than a reflection of what’s in their own mind.. That’s why, they don’t feel happy..Well, I’ve been lucky enough to meet some truly happy people over this few years, and I’ve learned lot from them.


They Know What Really Matters
It’s so easy to become swept up in a busy life, isn’t it? People jump hurdles just to convince themselves that it’s time to work on those all important and possibly life – changing goals, then they wake up one day and realize 10 years has passed. The truth is, that it’s hard enough to commit to doing what’s really important even if you know what ‘it’ is. But, what all I can see, they just know what really matters that related with things that actually they needed. In simple sentences, they know their priority, and just focussed on it.


They Don’t Blame Others
People don’t care about you, mostly. This isn’t because people are mean or hurtful, but simply because they are mostly focused on themselves. People who appear to be mean or hurtful don’t usually do it intentionally. There are exceptions to this, but generally the hurt you feel is a side-effect, not the principle cause. Then I understand, it’s just wasting time and energy to blame others for what I felt.


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Good Things I’ve Learned About Criticism

You know, from what I can understand, Criticism means a judgment stating that something isn’t as good as it could be, and may haunt us and leave us feeling humiliated, degraded, hollow, and then we launch counterattack..

I don’t believe anyone is completely immune to being hurt by criticism, unless they’re void of emotion, but it does get easier over time. And, Honestly, I’d rather hear what I’m doing wrong than what I’m doing right. I can’t correct anything unless I know what I may be doing wrong, especially at this young age..

So, I would like to tell you some good things I’ve learned about criticism..


  • Brings Me Back “Down to Earth”
    Too much praise will stilt your personal growth and fuel your ego until you feel like whatever you say or do is irreproachable. Loving criticism (and not simply blocking it out completely) keeps me level-headed and be more human. I am not perfect. I will make mistakes and at times I deserve criticism. And, I’m really be grateful that people are willing to take their time to disagree with me..

    Prepares Me More
    Life is a series of criticism. Wait. No. That doesn’t sound like me. Life kicks butt, but I do have to accept, that no matter what I do, I’ll be wrong according to someone else, and that means I’ll be criticised. And if I’m not criticised, then I’m not trying hard enough to be amazing. Each critique I face is a stepping stone towards a thicker skin.

    Reconsider to Change
    What I’ve noticed, Most criticism will be from trolls – people simply trying to make me feel bad, maybe. But, there is an occasion, I will be met with logical arguments and genuine discussion. I can identify these moments because I’ll feel defensive. That defensiveness, actually, is a sign that there is a lack of congruence in what I was holding. Then, it makes me think, that something’s not right and I need to reconsider for a change about what I’m doing, saying or thinking..

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Harsh Truths of My Real Life

tafakur

They say life is what we make of it. But for me, I don’t know.. For some reason, it can be true, but mostly it’s not that simple…

There is no doubt that life has its ups and downs. However, how we deal with them can sometimes make all the difference. Yeah, I want to share life harsh truths that I could learn from my own life..

     

  1. Friends Just Come and Go
    When I was in high school at my hometown, sometimes I imagined spending most of my life with the same people. Then when I realized I had to move to college, that all changed. Once again, I made some close college friends but left them all behind when I moved when I’ve got the job.
  2.  

    Friends will always come and go in my life; even though somehow I would have time to meet them again, but just for reunion, right..??? And now, all my friends are around the country and not exactly in meeting distance. It’s the thing that have to accept, many of the friends I spend time with now, might not be around in the next few years.

    What I’ve Learned: There are an abundance of amazing people out there for you to meet and build relationships with. If you don’t have many friends, don’t stress, there are literally billions of friendship possibilities.

  3. I Won’t Always Get Exactly For What I Want
    I know exactly all my dreams. I used to be able to get it, you know. But, just not exactly like what I’ve imagined. There were always twist and turn that made little bit different from what I’ve expected. Yeah, I mean, in all areas of my life. My job, habit, friends, mentor/supervisor/boss, or other people that I’ve ever met, and also items that I really want to have.
  4. Yeah, maybe You won’t always get what you want in life: people are going to be late, people will let you down, items you want won’t always be available, etc.

    What I’ve Learned: Don’t look for happiness in material possessions and if things don’t go your way, learn to accept them. Life’s too short to stay miserable.

  5. Many People Will Like You, but Many Will Not
    Yeah, I know and I can see it. Whether you are a celebrity, a charity worker or just a normal guy, there are going to be people that love you and like or admire what you do, but there’s also going to be plenty people that don’t like you. There are many possible reasons such as jealousy, similarities to them, or just not being someone’s ‘type’.
  6. What I’ve Learned: Not everyone is always going to like you, and that’s fine. If people want to spend time talking about you then that is their problem. You are perfect as you are. You shouldn’t need everyone to like you to have some form of self-esteem.

  7. Nobody Can Transform Your Life Like You Can
    Wouldn’t it be lovely if we didn’t have to go up on stage, but we could just read a paragraph of a blog post and become a perfect public speaker? Or, wouldn’t it be nice if our friends could do daring things, and we would benefit from them as well?
  8. The support and help of others can only take you so far, you’re going to have to do your own thing to make big changes in your life situation.

    What I’ve Learned: Do things for yourself and learn to stand on your own two feet. People you rely on won’t be around forever, and you don’t want to have to use others as a crutch to get anywhere in life.

  9. Experienced The Fail
    Before I got my current job, I’ve submitted so many application to lots of company. All of them are oil & gas related. I’ve ever failed to pass test, failed on interview process, and ever failed on medical check-up too. But, one thing for sure, I know what I want, so I just keep trying and trying, learned to understand the cause (why couldn’t I pass interview, etc), even my friends disapproved or even laughed me about it.
  10. As the saying goes – “Only those who are asleep make no mistakes”, right..???

    What I’ve Learned: You can learn a lot from others, but it is your own failures that are going to teach you the most valuable lessons in life. Learn from your failures, embrace them, and use them to drive you on to success.

  11. Rain Will Sometimes Cancel Play
    On some occasions when you have your shorts on and you’re ready for the beach, it’s going to rain. Or, when you get to that first hole and you’re ready to tee off – the clouds will open. Things aren’t always going to go how you would like them to.
  12. What I’ve Learned: Don’t stress about the things that you can’t control. Learn to live with things that happen. Because I know, I can’t change the past, but I can change how that I react to things.

  13. There May Be No Tomorrow
    At least, not for you anyway. We never know what is around the corner, a car crash, a heart attack; heck…even the end of the world is possible. Let’s face it, although we would all like to live till we are 70 years old, that’s certainly not always the case. There will be one day that is our last.
  14. What I’ve Learned: Make the most of each day. Make sure the people you care about actually know it, don’t worry about little matters, just make sure you spend time doing the things you love.

  15. Someone Else Will Always Have More
    Whether it is money, partners, friends or even blog subscribers, there will always be areas where other people have more than you. That isn’t to say you can’t become abundant in whatever you want (i.e. someone always had more money than Warren Buffett until 2008 when he was noted to be the richest man in the world).
  16. The wanting of more actually holds a very important lesson…

    What I’ve Learned: Just because someone has ‘more’, that doesn’t mean they are happy. Read the biography of any celebrity and they will tell you they enjoy their process of earning money, rather than what money can do to make them happy. In other words, focus on what you love, not what the thing you love can get you.

     

Figuring Things Out – The Real Life..

Right Place, Right Time

Life after graduate from college? I wish I could tell you..!!

My life, evolves..

It never turns out to be what I exactly expected.

It’s full of surprises, full of adventure, also, lots of problem too..


Sometimes, I found a hard truth, real truth, sometimes an inevitable truth..
Yeah, that’s life. If nothing else, its life..
It’s real, and sometimes the fact, it hurts..

But it’s sort of all we have, right..??

Yeah, When I see clearly from everything in my real life for now,
I can understand,

Great moments of my life won’t necessarily be the things I do,
They’ll also be the things that just happen to me.
I’m not saying I’m not take action to affect the outcome of my life.
I’ve tried so hard in every aspect of my life, you know..
But, I always believe about something that, on any day,
I could step out the front door and my whole life can change forever.
For example,
A few months ago, when I have to attend an interview to this company where I’m working right now. Simple interview, and out of nowhere, I got my dream job..

You see,
The universe has a plan..And that plan is always in motion.
A butterfly flaps its wings…and it starts to rain.
It’s a scary thought.
But it’s also kind of wonderful.
All these little parts of the machine constantly working,
making sure that I end up exactly where I’m supposed to be,
exactly when I’m supposed to be there.
The right place…at the right time. And, Here I am…

So, there you have it..
There’s a lot of little reasons why the big things in our lives happen.
If I had known then where all those little things were leading me,
and how grateful I’d be to get there..
Because somehow, I ended up in the right place at the right time.
Especially when you consider how easy it end up there..
And, as a result, my life would never be the same..

Yeah, I’m just excited to see things that are waiting for me in the future, you know.. 🙂

Self Awareness..

self-awareness1


For every being cursed with self-awareness,
there remains the unanswerable question:
Who am I?
How do I “connect” with others?
There are nearly seven billion people on this planet.
Each one, unique, different.

We struggle to find meaningful connections to one another.
Maybe, We are the caring friend…
or, The loving father…
The doting mother…
The protected child…

We fight and we love in the hope that somehow,
together, we can understand our significance in the universe..

But in the end, no one can share our burden.
Each of us alone must answer the question…
“Who am I?”
“What does it mean to be alive?”

And in the vast infinity of time,
“how do I matter?”


This quote is from Heroes 3rd Season Eps 24.. This quote strikes me at some points. Yeah, of course about myself, my future, and my world. By my world, it means, my faith & believe to God, my family that I’m really grateful, my friendship circle with easy judging attitude, my job that makes me struggle to understand, or, wondering the girl that I can introduce as my wife someday.. And, how do I matter for all..??

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Simple..It is What It is..

It is what it is.. Accept it

At the end of The Unforgiven, Gene Hackman laments to Clint Eastwood, “I don’t deserve this—to die like this.” Eastwood’s classic response: “Deserve’s got nothing to do with it.”

The same can be said for the way we look,
the way we live our lives,
the way we are treated by others,
the money we’re born into/not born into,
the talents we have/don’t have…
Life is unconcerned with “deserve”..!!

Life is… what life is.

You know, I see people fighting this reality at every turn, and the results of the struggle are ugly. You don’t believe me? Just try to consider the people you know in a professional context: do you know someone…(below?)

  • Not getting the job because s/he is too proud to ask for help? (”I deserve the job that I can find by my own!”)
  • Limiting his/her career by refusing to engage in politics? (”I shouldn’t have to play games!”)
  • Walking into a crisis by refusing to mitigate foreseeable risks? (”People are supposed to follow directions, so that won’t be a problem!”)
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Deserve..?? Should..?? Supposed to..??

As far as I am concerned, to be both successful and happy, the only prerequisite is to accept what is. Plans made on the basis of what should be are doomed to fail. Judgment—in the form of phrases like “deserve,” “supposed to,” “should be,” and the granddaddy of them all, “if only,”— is nothing but a heart breaker. Plans based on what is, on the other hand, work.

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Walk the Path You Choose, Not Someone Else’s

The Path

Recently, I got training about Self Development, you know, about Life path or something like that. I’ve noticed, the whole concept is the same. At least, almost same as my principle towards life.. Well, I guess, I just want to share it. I hope it’s useful, especially for me.. 🙂

Admit or not, We are a product of our environment. It is true that we are shaped by environment, our parents, teachers, and friends. The question is, can we break from this conditioning or is it permanent?

Below is a few things so we can walk the path that we choose, not just follow others..

1) Plan The Path

One of the greatest methods to walk your Path is to plan that Path. People who seem destined to walk a Path set by someone else, do so because they fail to think outside the box they have been put in. They accept the Path placed before them and never question or envision it any differently. Those who break free, see the vision of their dreams and desires, not as some fairytale, but as something that can be achieved, something to make plans toward.

Do you walk a life of no planning, or do you walk the Path you choose?
Do you see your dreams as attainable, and work toward them, or mere fantasies?

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The Uncertainty of Tomorrow

uncertainty-of-life

For all I know, people live much of their lives in uncertainty..
What might happen in a week…a month…a year…
and, so do I…

Since I was a kid, I know life or the future is a puzzle..
Every piece fits together to create who we are, what we do, & how we feel..
Every experience shapes us into who we will eventually become..
That’s why I never judge on people, I think people are complex..
They’re not good or bad just like black or white..
Yeah, I think labels are destructive..

Because, all people have their own fate..
And, as far as I believe,
everything always happens for a reason..
Nothing happens by chance or by means of good or bad luck..

And what happen to me today..??
I am facing fear of moment like I never have before..
A critical moment on my life journey,
when I find myself in an emotional crisis,
that seems to defy every positive thing I’ve embraced..
You could say that it’s fear’s last stand..
It wants to control the situation to “make it turn out right.”
In fact, it’s trying to survive, to be honest..
And the worst part, I feel that I’m facing this utterly alone…

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