The Rollercoaster Life – Part 1 (Reflection of 5 Years in Real Life)

RollerCoaster Life

We can’t design our life like a building.
It doesn’t work that way.
Just take the leap, have faith to live it,
and it will design itself.
Well, It may become like a rollercoaster ride,
but we always have a choice,
to either scream or just enjoy the ride…

Well, life is really just going so fast. Somehow, I can hardly believe it. ‘Cause it felt like just yesterday that I graduate from college and being “thrown away” to a so called “Real Life”. And as this year kicking-off, I sort of forgot that it’s been more than five years since the day I got my first job, back in the end of 2008.

I think, this is surely a good time to reflect on what I’ve done for the past 5 years. Especially, I’m surprised at where I am at now, compared to five years ago. It may a long post, but personally, it’s worth my time to write & share it, as such I’ll write it on several part, and this post is the first part. As the saying goes, “It’s our experience that shape who we are”, right?

The Beginning

Back on October 2008, after recently-graduate, like any other recently-graduate, I was endlessly searching job, took job-test & job-interview in various companies, attended one job fair to another job fair, traveling from one city to another city. Starting from Bandung, and just in the space of two months, I went to visit several cities e.g Jakarta, Cikarang, Karawang, Bekasi, Depok, Cilegon, Pekanbaru, Duri, Semarang, Yogyakarta, Surabaya, even to Balikpapan.

Sometimes, I went from one city to another (faraway city) just in space of 2 days time. Even, I experienced one time where I was trying to rest in mosque, because I didn’t have time to find affordable place at the city I had never visited before. The harsh reality I had face at the time was it that, after countless job tests and all had the same ending, “no concrete job contract/offering”.

Continue reading

Long Holiday & Faraway from Everything

People come home for a lot of reasons..
They come home to remember,
They come home because of nowhere else to go,
They come home when they’re beaten,
They come home when they’re proud..
but people always come home because,
it’s the only place in the world where understand them..



Yup, It’s been a while, and so, at the end of this year, I got my long field break, finally. I know, I really need this. It’s a good time to holiday. At first, I thought it’s time for some reflection, recharge for next challenge on the next year, and honest “define” about “where I am”. Because, planning is like a map, a map itself won’t help  if we don’t know where we actually are.

Then, when I’m in a plane to Jakarta’s home, I still remember how my mind can’t stop wondering during the flight. I saw people in the executive class, and I notices that they’re cheering and laughing, they look sooo alive. And, I can’t help myself but thinking, how they can be just like that. Whaaw, they all looked so damn happy to me. God, why couldn’t I look like that?

I think, most of us will agree with me, that we all want to wake up excited to go to work, spend our days accomplishing goals we’re proud of, and come home feeling pleasantly fulfilled. Oh, and somewhere in there, we’d like a paycheck that provides us with a comfortable lifestyle and may one day put our kids through college. That’s the dream of an ideal life, anyway.

On the one hand, I want life to be full of interesting, challenging missions that force me to learn, adapt and improve. On the other hand, I want a stable routine which ensures me don’t lose what I’ve gained.


Continue reading

The Self Changes

“Change won’t come
if we wait for some other person or some other time,

We are the ones we’ve been waiting for,
We are the change that we seek..”(~ Barack Obama)



Everything changes and that includes ourselves. We are not what we were five years ago. We have learned; we have changed; we have grown. Especially when I’m consciously molding myself with self-reflection. I mean, the change on the inside, the change of me.

If I think back through my own life, I notice the change about myself as I grow-up, and below are the list:

  • I find it hard to spend money “just like that” as I know that earning money is not that easy.
  • Realize that time, knowledge, and experienced are really, really, really precious.
  • Get the idea that things I’ve done a few years ago, feel extremely retarded to me now.
  • Aware of personal insecurities, personal fears, self-esteem, jealousy & feelings of envy. It’s just part of life, after all.
  • Asking much to myself about “What is really the meaning / purpose of life”.
  • Gained ability to evaluate the viewpoints of others, not just see things merely from my point of view.
  • Accepts the fact that I can’t always win, and “learns from mistakes instead of just whining about the outcome” are truly necessary.
  • Able to differentiate between rational decision making & emotional impulse.
  • Being able to distinguish between “needs” and “wants”, that makes me more able to take ownership and responsibility of personal actions.
  • Able to see the various shades of grey between the extremes of black & white, and understanding that open communication is the key.

The thing is, there are many aspects of my life that I have made very deliberate effort to change, and writing this is part of the process in order to make it happen. Surely, this is not something that can happen overnight.

And like most human beings on this planet, most of our lives are spent trying to improve, to move forward & evolving, and ultimately that’s all we are meant to do, and I’m no different…

Excuses on Our Mind

“Whatever you hold in your mind will tend to occur in your life.
If you continue to believe as you have always believed,
you’ll continue to act as you have always acted.
If you continue to act as you have always acted,
you’ll continue to get what you have always gotten.
If you want different results in your life or your work,
all you have to do is change your mind…”


You see,  I am constantly fascinated about what the mind can make me do (or not do). But, the complexity of our minds actually can become our own worst enemies when it comes to being happy. It will tell us one thing and desire another, or strive for a goal while secretly fearing for achieving it..


Here is the list that I’ve experienced at some point of my life :


“I’d be happier if I just had less to do..”
Minds trick that thinking we’d be happier if we didn’t have to work. However, the truth is that idleness often leads to boredom and depression. Surely, We need challenge and accomplishment to be happy. When you take all the pressure off from struggling, you lose your sense of purpose. I’ve experienced this when I was unemployed few months ago.



“I just need to discover the secret to success..”
I am convinced that there are no “secrets” to success. Living a successful life is pretty simple. Create a vision for the future, formulate a strategy, and then work hard to achieve it. If you fail, you try it again. I’m not sure if there are shortcuts or secrets to that.



“I like things just the way they are..”
Believing this is just letting yourself be set-up for a fall. Life is a journey of constant change. Some of which we control and some we don’t. Resisting changes or trying to control the changes is self-defeating. It will drain you. Change is inevitable. Accept this, learn to go with the flow, being adaptable, and then you might suprised for result.



“I’ll decide when I know for sure what to do..”
Over-thinking every decision will leave you stymied. Weighing the risks, analyzing the possibilities and making a plan are important, but nothing ever happens until a decision is made and action is taken. Don’t let your mind trap you into over-analyzing everything, because We very rarely have perfect information when making choices. Trust me!



“Dreams only come true for those that are lucky..”
Our minds will sometimes trick us into thinking we are victims of fate. They will lead us to believe “nothing good ever happens to me”. What our brains credit as the luck of others. We are full of potential and although your circumstances might add a degree of difficulty, just keep trying, and you might be surprised at the “luck” that comes your way. Never let your mind trick you into giving up. Something interesting happens when you eliminate the option of giving up. We don’t know what tomorrow holds, right?

I’m 24 years old


People live much of their lives in uncertainty.
What might happen in a week…a month…a year…
Never knowing for certain who we will meet along the way.
Who among the world of strangers will hold our hand,
Touch our hearts, and share the pain of trying..
I wondered about my own life,
if I would be able to answer the questions had kept appearing..


What can I say..I’ve became 24 years old today..Yep, 24 years old, the age where I’m kind of used to living in the real world. But, many things that I still cannot answer regarding my own life. You see, when you reach at some stages of age on life, you might be surprise to discover you still don’t have life quite figured out.

I know that My Life Destination still exist on “fantasy” and still take a long “road” to arrive on it. I can’t even guess how often I believed the thoughts I was holding onto were true, only to find out otherwise. I guess, it’s easier to see what we want than to look for the truth.

Maybe, It really is about the journey. While the end result could be anything, it’s the process of developing that provides me the most learning opportunities. Eventhough it takes my breath away sometimes. But that’s life. You know? You never end up where you thought you wanted to be. I’m sure, We have experienced disappointment in our life. It’s okay, those are old dreams..

Well, this year..?? The year that I’ve been dumped by a girl, the year that I’ve resigned from the job that I thought “what I really wanted”, the year that I’ve been unemployed for several months, the year that I’ve been rejected from many interviews, the year where things in my life were changing like crazy, and damn it if it wasn’t the best year of my life. Because, if any one of those things hadn’t happened, I never would have ended up and turned out to be an engineer on this company. Of course, the chapter is continued…

That’s the funny thing about destiny though. It happens whether I plan it or not. If I look back on those days, It’s kind of funny though. I can understand that everything happens for a reason. Nothing happens by chance or by means of good or bad luck. Happy moments, sad moments, even the sheer stupidity moments, all occurred to shape me into who I meant to be..

Dear God, thank you so much for everything that You gave to me, through challenges as tests of persistence and courage that life throws at me during my quest to help me grow as a person..But, Honestly for me, my main question right now is, “Am I really good person..?? I mean, not in a joke, not rhetorical, or not in form of sarcasm, or, still depends on point of view..??”

Life Lessons from Children



Well, on “Lebaran / Idul Fitri” this year, I couldn’t go back to my hometown to celebrate with most of my family (as usual tradition). So, I’ve spent my Lebaran day in Jakarta where I’ve met some of children at this neighbourhood. And, I can’t help myself on noticing something, you know.

See, it’s kind of weird, when We’ve already Grow-Up with lots of responsibility, we wistfully look back to those carefree childhood days..!! But honestly, As I make the transition to adulthood, I certainly can learn by looking at how children see the world..

These are the three main lesson that I can see from children :

1. Living in The Moment

As I grow older, my thoughts become increasingly focused on either the past or the future instead of the now. It seem that I’m picking-up the art of nursing grievances about things that happened and worrying about things that may never happen.

But for a child, everything is unfolding in real time before his eyes. They haven’t yet learn the art of being consumed by past or future..

2. Living in The Heart

As I Grow older, my mind starts dominating rather than my heart. The heart is to the fore – the spontaneous, that does not plan or calculate, but just spontaneously acts, creates and discovers.

If you asked a bunch of six year old children “who can paint?” All hands would shoot up. But, the same question asked to adults might not raise any hands at all! As we grow up, we imbibe very fixed ideas and conventions about what we can and cannot do, but children have no such restrictions – life for them is just one long play session.

3. An Unconditional Love

As I grow older, love is something different perspective. Haven’t you noticed that, when we give our love to someone, we often do it with the subtle expectations of what the other person should do. Then when that person we love doesn’t fulfill our expectations, there can be a great deal of disappointment & hurt.

But when a child loves, their love is unconditional, and when they smiles at you, can feel it beaming from them like the rays of a sunbeam. It is a kind of love that comes straight from the heart, without preconditions or expectations. It is a pure expression of who they are. This kind of love is something that we can still access as adults, isn’t it..??

Is Your Life Story Worth Reading?


Everyone has their own life story. Whether having the idea of being in love, having the perfect job, etc, but , and when it’s all been said and done, will yours be worth remembering?

Can this be a seminal moment of your life? Going forward, can you look back on what you are doing now and say “that’s when things really started to get going?” Well, on my early adulthood years, I’ve always have those question on my mind: “is my life story interesting? Something I’d read or watch? What does my story say about my life?” And, these kind of question are always give me some moments to think about things that I want to do, U see…

Better Than Fiction

In the movie “Stranger than Fiction,” Harold Crick, played by Will Farrell, discovers he is a character in a novel being written by a famous author. He begins to hear her narration in his head, and comes to realize his life is being told as a story.

In reality all of our lives are stories. Some people are part of the story, others aren’t. But it’s always our story, the narrative of our life. I used to pretend that my life is a book or movie. I’ve even imagined a narrator telling my story as I go about day by day.

What it all comes down to is this. Is the story worth reading? Not to anyone else necessarily, but is your story something you’d like to read? I just hope so..

Section Two – The Next Chapters

Every moment of our life is a turning point. Some are more memorable than others, but every decision we make influences how the next chapter of our story will read. No matter what’s happened in our story so far, the next section, and the chapters it contains, can be different. They can be better.

There comes a point where I have to look at what’s been written and decide if I want to continue with the story as it’s shaped up so far. Kind of like my own personal “Choose Your Own Adventure” book. As I contemplate becoming a real engineer, or explore taking my knowledge to the next level, look back on how my story has come together. See what have been the central moments, the ones I have consciously written, and those that seemed to “just happen to me.”

And, my big question for now, Where will this chapters in my story take me? Let’s keep moving forward…

It Goes On..


“In three words, I can sum up everything that I’ve learned about life: it goes on…” – Robert Frost

Most people change kind of slowly. They’re who they are, and then after a while, they’re someone else. But some people know the exact moment where their lives changed. It’s something they’ve gone through that makes everything they look at from that moment on seem very different from how it had always been.

You see, in this time, on my early adulthood, somehow, I felt that I need a mentor, who will help me to make sense of the world I am living in. But, after what I’ve been going through, I realized about the so called “Life is Teacher for each people”. I just think that all moments in my life is not coincidences and that every lesson that shown, is meant for me personally.

Usually, I like to think that I have some control over the events in my life. But then something happens to remind me that the world runs by its own rules, and that I’m just along for the ride. Well, I guess Life is one lessons after another. Some lessons are hard to learn, others are easy. But I really have no choice. I just need to view my life as a personal teacher, because It’s wasting time to spend the rest of days on cursing all the mistakes, errors or pains.

If I see myself a few years ago, I can see that everything is already different from how it had been. But, I think, I didn’t change, I just become who I really meant to be, through all life moments & its lessons..

The Story is Not Over Yet..

.

What is the purpose of Life..?? I don’t know the answer for that honestly.
What is the purpose of  MY LIFE.??
Well this is an entirely different query altogether,
and this question does have an answer.
But, I don’t want to make you boring with my life purpose story.
Instead, I just want to tell you about the perspective..

I guess, the one size fits all reason for me, being here is,
to learn, to grow in my understanding of myself – .

The lessons I live through are sometimes quite challenging.
I know it’s probably not a revelation that growing-up does have its pains.
But I do understand that there is never any reason for me to be discouraged.
Today’s trials are destined to be tomorrow’s enlightenments.
Difficult situations arise in my experience
to either make me aware of my strengths,
or to inspire me to walk in a new direction…

Well now,
I find myself feeling overwhelmed by the daunting circumstances in my life.
But, this is the time to stop, take a breath, step back within myself
and just remember that this story I’m living in,
in this moment is far from over yet.
There is indeed much more to come, many more moments to experience.
What I’m going through now is only one scene of a much bigger storyline.
And there will be more to see if I just keep moving. Move through it…

Life’s little stings,
which are meant to motivate my spiritual growth,
don’t usually hurt as bad as we ultimately make it hurt for ourselves
by refusing to let go of the thing that is stinging us.
The pain I’ve suffered will move when I move, when I stop holding onto it.
When I resolve to go forward and actually see how the story I’m living evolves from the mess it may seem to be now…

So, I don’t want to hit the pause during this time,
because I want to watch the rest of the story of my life unfold.
Hope feeds on motion.
So keep it moving, because The story is not over yet

Grown-Up: Train that Never Stop


What’s my age again? I’m 23 years old.. And somehow I think, so much of my life is wasted because I hate the idea of now and I love the idea of tomorrow. But when tomorrow comes and I still haven’t accomplished anything, I feel regret, depression, and ever so unfulfilled. Until, I realize about something that there is no turning back.

I mean, there comes a point in our life when We realize there is no turning back, right..?? We have all had that moment. The interesting thing is that some people are more equipped for this moment than others. Some people shut down and start to compensate in negative ways. Others embrace it and look forward to the future. Some people do both.

But, I guess, that’s why it’s called : Grow-Up.. And, this moment is pivotal because it is the start of my adulthood. As far as I’m concerned, how I deal with this moment has a lot to do with whether I ever really grow up at all – and, trust me, a lot of people at my age don’t..

I am not professing to have all the answers. Because honestly, I still struggle all the time to be used to with the idea for being like today, you know. Such as:

  • Financially independent – “make” money by my own
  • Emotionally independent
  • I’ve started on my career path & I don’t know where it end-up
  • I deserve something, but does not mean I will exactly get it
  • Figure out everything by myself
  • Admitted GENTLY when I failed, it means simply I wasn’t qualified enough
  • Make decisions, and it has to be really, really, really right

So, a few days ago, someone that I really respect told me, “Well, you have to grow up now“.. Honestly, those words have hit me so hard. No one starts at the finish line. And, the now is a foundation for it. Everyone has done something worthy, struggle, fail, and achieve,  and so do I. In simple sentence, “THINGS CHANGE”..

Yeah, “Things change, and It won’t stop”. Those words are the quintessence of growing up. These words summarize everything. Things change and when I fail to grasp that truth, I’ll suffer. Nothing lasts and nothing stays the same. My “kids day” is gone, my college day has long disappear, and all I have is NOW and, I hope, the future. Cause now I see, I’ll never stop this train..