Yeah, I know, I’m kind of reach my low points in this time.
And, it makes me felt angry, and at the same time, also, sad..
But, last night, in Qiyamullail time, I was questioning myself.
What actually did make me feel angry, dissappoint, or even sad?
Job..?? Girl..?? Friends..?? or maybe, “stupid” football..??
Then I realized, none of all that matters.
It’s just because all of my expectation or maybe my ambition.
And, of course, I’m afraid to fail.
When I was a little, I liked to think that I knew everything,
but the last thing I really wanted, was to know too much.
What I really want was for grown-ups to make the world a safe place
where all my dreams can come true..
And when I was a kid, it didn’t seem like a lot to ask..
But, now, I’ve grown-up..
I have responsibility to my God, myself,
my life, and also my “future” family.
I’m not supposed to think that world will serve me anymore, right..???
Maybe, that was a problem.
Yeah, you know, my parents called it, self-induced misery.
It means that is me who make myself suffered.
That is me who put pressure in my own “shoulder”.
I just have to stop it, right..??
I just have to control my mind..
And, stop to take a pity for myself.
Yeah, as far as I’m concerned,
I still have no idea where my life heading.
But, you know what? Bad things happen.
What am I gonna do? Give up? Quit? No..
I realize now that when everything not quite well as planned,
I’ve got to fight like hell to make sure I’m still on right track..
And the pain? Well, maybe, that’s life..
The confusion and fear?
Maybe, it’s for remind me,
that I have to fix my approach towards real life,
and to get something that is worth fighting for..